In pursuit of happiness

There is a whole language of ‘if only’ and ‘but’ we often find ourselves speaking. It normally begins with desires and wants which slowly finds its way into the ‘but’ language of excuses and disappointments. Most of us fall back on it when we want to speak about why we don’t do the things that we would love to do. Things we believe would make us happy. In pursuit of true happiness we need to decode this language of ‘if only’ and ‘buts’.

From a broader perspective what stops us from being happy? Who is in control of our ability to be happy? These questions are not new. Writings and teachings of some of the great people across centuries have highlighted this human desire. 5000 years ago, Buddha stated ‘The mind is everything, what you think, you become’ which Shakespeare so rightly observed, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

The more recent gurus of positive thinking, Norman Vincent Peale who wrote the famous best seller The Power Of Positive Thinking and Albert Ellis, the creator of REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy), have emphasized the fact that thoughts can in fact affect our emotions and our behvaiour.

There has been much time and resources that has gone into the science of happiness. Ever wonder why some people are forever finding excuses for why their world looks so gloom, while there are others, who no matter what, always finds the sun shining on theirs? Is it anything biological or purely psychological?

The most exciting research has been in the last decade in the field of biopsychology. Neural circuits are being investigated with a reference to Neural Plasticity. According to the Hebb’s law, “Cells that fire together wire together”. Thus, the neural circuits which dictate both our negative perceptions like ‘only bad things happen to me’ and positive perceptions ‘like I am always lucky’ are often the result of repeated patterns of thinking. The more connections such thoughts build between each other, stronger is their bond. Thus the slightest trigger is enough to bring out feelings, emotions and reactions of earlier associations. So if you are always telling your child that she or he is not good enough, than you should realize that they will begin to believe so, even years later when they are trying very hard to prove otherwise.

But the good news is that neural plasticity also explains how we can unlearn old negative thoughts and their associated feelings and relearn new positive thoughts with positive associations. In the recent past, the branch of positive psychology has studied various constructs such as happiness, hope, gratitude, optimism which are seen as important indices of positive living that focus on the study of human strengths and positive emotions.

One of the pioneers of this field Martin Seligman, has identified five particularly important traits that increases your chance of being happy: optimism, zest for life, curiosity, the ability to love and be loved, and gratitude. In fact, research is strongly suggesting that positivity isn't innate; positivity is learned. While 50 percent of our ability to be happy is innate, only 10 percent is circumstantial and 40 percent is learned. Positivity is part of that 40 percent of our happiness, the part we have control over, and a positive attitude is something that can be taught, just like any skill. Positive thinking can become an automatic response if practiced regularly.

Thus positive thinking is more attainable than one can imagine. Understanding and knowing that we are in control of our lives is not only reassuring, it is empowering. The way we think determines the way we feel and in a way the decision is ours to be or not to be happy. The effects of such thinking is seen to be beneficial in more ways than one can imagine. Finding meaning in a difficult situation contributes to positive coping and adaptation. Positive emotions open up people’s thinking and creative possibilities by putting the current concern in a larger perspective.

‘Your perspective is your reality, and your reality is your perspective’. Thinking positively is not about avoiding reality nor is it denial. By developing a positive attitude, you still recognize the negative aspects of a situation; however, you choose to focus instead on the hope and opportunity that is available. This approach helps you to avoid getting locked into a paralyzing loop of bad feeling, and instead seek out plan B, plan C or plan D.

Negative feelings and circumstances do exist and often serve as an indication that something is not working or needs to be attended to. In such cases we must learn to think positively, use it as a strategy for interpreting everything that happens to us in a useful, constructive way in order to make our life work. Of course, it doesn't mean denying pain and discomfort. It means making sense of them and using what we can to strengthen our resolve to build resilience muscles.

The question is are we willing to seek positivity or are we happy in our little world of grumbles and pessimism.

Dr Aldina Braganza e Gomes is a clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and associate professor, HOD, Dept of Psychology Carmel College