We can fight our similarities by finding ways that make us different from each other or we can embrace the sameness with a sense of gratitude and move forward
Dr Aldina Braganza e Gomes is a clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and associate professor, HOD, Dept of Psychology Carmel College
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Gratitude is not about just saying thank you but about a paradigm shift from ‘me’ to ‘us’. From shifting our focus form what we lack to what we have. Gratitude enables us to live not merely for ourselves but for life at large.
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I often sit alone, close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. And while I focus on the here and now I become aware of all that I should be grateful for. Not as a nagging thought of the need to be thankful but with a sense of freedom that does not weigh me down but wants me to exist.
I am part of a small group called the Seekers that meet every Tuesdays to discuss some relevant personal dilemmas that probably each one of us might deliberate about from time to time. ‘Understanding the Ego’ is one of our most favored topics and goes beyond the scope of psychology into the realms of spirituality and philosophy. As a group we are very different people but as people we share what it means to be human.
As humans we are more same than different and it is the sameness that can either help us become cohesive or distant. An outsider to ourselves and each other. We can fight our similarities by finding ways that make us different from each other or we can embrace the sameness with a sense of gratitude and move forward.
Why do we humans prefer boundaries that divide us rather than seek what is similar that binds us? I think it is a good question to ask given the times we are going through. Every country in the world seems to want to showcase their boundaries. It is what got Trump elected in the US anyway.
For we are leaving in a culture of fear. A fear of loss, that makes us fight so hard in the turning the other into some sort of minority group. If we truly reflect we shall realize that every person can become an outsider in a given context. It causes the same conflict with the ego, and the same sense of insecurity.
It does not matter who we are, where we are born or what religion we follow. We have the same sense of security and the same sense of difference as another fellow human.
if such is the name of the game for human survival we need to ask this question as Indians, since we are a nation with such varied communities that if we are to cruise through this election peacefully without riots than we have to take the opportunity to discuss what makes India so special and why we need to survive as a diverse nation to progress.
Like most complex animals, humans also maintain a core set of life functions that can be considered as important to survive. One of these is maintaining boundaries. It is important for our survival that we learn to distinguish between personal and public space, but we also need to distinguish when these same boundaries can blind us in ways that make it difficult to distinguish ourselves form other less evolved creatures.
I have 8 dogs who mostly live in harmony with each other but when their natural instinct take over, I often have to deal with dog fights that can become pretty nasty. So when I find myself in situations of conflict with the system I think of which part of my behavior is instinctive and which part of my behavior is evolved. For the difference between my dogs and me is that as a human being I have the capacity to pause and think about a certain set of behavior before exhibiting it. This ability to think and act in ways that are beneficial to each other is part of character virtues.
We are not born with virtues. In fact as pointed by Cicero, infants are neither virtuous nor vicious. They just survive.
Today more than ever before the science of gratitude is highlighting why it is important to be grateful and how it can improve so many of modern day ailments and more importantly how gratitude can become a foundation of the type of society in which people can look after one another without coercion, incentives, or governmental interference, which, unlike gratitude, demean rather than exalt us.
Gratitude is not about just saying thank you but about a paradigm shift from ‘me’ to ‘us’. From shifting our focus form what we lack to what we have. Gratitude enables us to live not merely for ourselves but for life at large.
Experiencing gratitude, thankfulness, and appreciation tends to foster positive feelings, which is known to give one a sense of wellbeing.
There are a number of empirical evidences that have in the recent past been conducted to support this association. . Studies have linked gratitude with increased satisfaction, motivation and energy and better sleep and health and reduced stress and sadness.
Grateful people are happier people and appreciate their life and others, their environment and have a much stronger sense of purpose, meaning and self-acceptance.
But because gratitude is so contrast to the dark nature of human existence, cultivating gratitude becomes difficult. One thing that helps is imbibing a ritual that gives one the opportunity to be grateful to all the reason that are not concrete or measured. Like lighting a candle of gratitude or saying a thousand ‘thank you’ for nothing!
