Parents and the elderly are not accorded the same respect as they were before. Do those who will soon reach that age have cause to be worried?
The privilege of wisdom belongs to the elders of the human race. The older you grow the wiser you become, maybe not to others as much as to your old self. It’s the experience of living life. So when you are 40 you know the mistakes that the 20s are making, when you are 50 you see the mistakes the 30s are making and when you are 60 you see the mistakes of the 40s and not before long you belong to an age of regrets. If you survive dementia by then, the wisdom haunts you for the mistakes you made. That is the irony of wisdom that dawns a little later when hopes and dreams have turned into a comic tune. It is during such times that legends are created with narratives. Narratives that would teach us to learn from the mistakes of our elders. A beautiful example is the legend of the Rakhondar.
If you are Goan, then you must have heard about the Rakhondar. Also referred to as the Gao Purus, Arcadhoni or Khapri, this legendary mystical character, is the protector of his land and its people. This character is an older person but larger than life with amazing strength and wisdom. Village folks will swear by the sound of the cane that he uses to mark his presence at night. People who break the law or destroy his land suffer the brunt of his fury. There are special traditions that are almost paganistic, but ritualistically practiced to avoid disfavour with this legend. These traditions would differ from village to village. In some places sur, kharem and pao is offered, while others might offer rott (rice roti) and still others the sacrifice of fowl. The place of offering would be borders of villages, bridges and fields. His pathway is as sacred as his comfort. People believe that his pathway was not to be interfered with. No building or any other development was allowed in these areas.
The wisdom of our ancestors is as tricky as the Rakhondar, for people feared and obeyed the rules that protected the ecology and law and order of the land. For centuries, the Raknhodar had managed to protect and maintain our mangroves, fields, rivers and land, but in the last few decades this legend has lost his hold on his people and his land and the consequences are equally frightening.
In the name of development and progress are we losing sight of age old wisdom? What narratives are we leaving behind for our children? On the October 1 we celebrate international day of older persons. Started by the UN in 1990, the day is dedicated to recognize the contributions of our elders and to examine the issues that affect their lives.
An analysis of our elderly and the lives they presently lead is not only disturbing but alarming. According to recent research held in 2014 by Help Age India, a charity that works with care of senior citizens, one in five people belonging to the age group of 60 plus are abused almost every day either emotionally, physically and economically by their own children. This abuse was seen across all socio-economic segments of society and religions. Sons and daughters view their parents as additional burden. There are more than 100 million elderly in our society that face such dread.
Attempts have been made by the government to help senior citizens with forums to report abuse. Such forums however are rarely used since the abused older people live with their own families and they fear the consequences of such reporting.
One of the main problems affecting the older population is their economic dependency. A meager 11 percent of elderly have an income to support themselves if they want to live independently. But with life expectancy increasing, such savings cannot be stretched for too long. Even if they decide to live on their own, their quality of life suffers as they have limited recreational opportunities, lack of interactions with grandchildren which is their greatest pleasure, not to mention poor quality geriatrics care.
Having worked all their life to give their children a decent home, education and a decent marriage, parents eat into their retirement fund with the strong belief that their children would one day look after them. But children forget, there are no reminders there, just excuses of mounting family pressures.
If our family structure is changing not to include grandparents, what narratives are we going to create to protect ourselves?
Not too long ago the elders were considered to be the head of the family with quality life and dignity. But much has changed since we have moved from concepts like Rakhondars. Were our ancestors right? Do we need fear of the unknown to think wisely? What stops us from seeing the obvious? That one day we too would grow old and dependable. How do we deal with this problem that soon would be ours?
Dr Aldina Braganza e Gomes is a clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and associate professor, HOD, Dept of Psychology Carmel College
