History has reams of stories about Mahatma Gandhi. But, on his wife there is but little. Was she the dutiful one as made out to be, or was she a story untold?
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The memory of Gandhi is omnipresent in any national dialogue, day in and day out. We have grown up hearing about the virtues and other-worldly qualities of Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. Gandhi’s birthday will probably be on a first grader’s tip of the tongue. But, how many of us know when Kasturba Gandhi was born, let alone celebrate her? The woman who stood beside Gandhi, his better half, is not acknowledged enough. So, for a change, let us celebrate Gandhi’s birthday to honour the woman who stood by him through thick and thin.
Gandhi’s lifestyle, his thoughts and his principles were staunch and austere. His ideals were often severe in their practical implementation and seemed like humongous human experiments. In his autobiography, ‘My Experiments with Truth,’ Mohandas is brutally honest and painstakingly documents his lapses as a young husband. Gandhi was 13 and Kastur was 14 when they tied the knot. Gandhi was a lustful, possessive young groom and Kastur was a stubborn, rebellious young bride.
I yearn to know Kasturba and imagine her life as a wife, a mother, a freedom fighter, a rebel – but most importantly - a woman. While Gandhi has been so heavily documented that you can almost touch his memory, Kasturba has not been interviewed, filmed or shot half as much. She remains an enigma; she will be journalism’s missed opportunity. Most anecdotes and interpretations that give an insight into Kasturba’s character are secondary - from Gandhi’s point of view or that of his close aides.
When analysed in a modern, feminist light, most observations about Kasturba often seem patronizing and patriarchal. Most references will tell you that Kasturba “wholeheartedly supported” Gandhi’s 1906 decision of brahmacharya – his vow of chastity. At the time, Kasturba was 37. Who knows with certainty her real feelings about her husband’s sexual abstinence, how can historians determine whether the decision was unilateral or not, and worse, how can they assume and complement Kasturba for her “wholehearted support” in such a personal matter? Couldn’t there have been times when she was angry and wanted to scream out of want and urge? I often wonder if Kasturba’s human, real personality was edited out to make a more suitable image as that of the Mahatma’s wife.
In recent times, several letters, diaries, books and reports have been published that have led to an open, broadminded dialogue on Gandhi’s personality and his relations with many of his close aides. How did Kasturba tolerate the presence of other women – Gandhi’s followers - taking charge of her husband’s daily responsibilities, caring for him within a personal sphere that is ideally reserved for a wife or a daughter? I suspect her image as an unequivocally supportive wife is a creation of patriarchal history; it is possible that she was portrayed as obedient and willing even when she was seething and paining in her heart.
On several occasions, Kasturba retaliated. She refused to clean toilets at Kochrab ashram and was rebuked by Gandhi. How did she cope with a life that was inked with iron rules of morals, chastity, simplicity and all things too pure and pristine? Did she never feel like saying, “No can do, thank you,” pack her bags, and leave the Mahatma to his nation-saving exercise?
Gandhi’s stern expectations of his children have also been a matter of debate and discussion. Though Kasturba sacrificed a lot as a wife and as a woman, she stood her ground against her husband as a mother. Kasturba had vocal objections and fights with Gandhi only on one issue – raising their children. Unfortunately, she couldn’t get her husband to see her eldest son’s point of view, to soften his unreasonable, unworldly expectations.
Harilal Gandhi, the couple’s first-born, felt stifled and suffocated in his father’s rigid regime. Ironically, Gandhi refused to send Harilal to England for further law studies. In 1911, Harilal is reported to have broken all ties with his family. A highly talented individual, he went astray and met a lonely, painful death in June 1948. In terms of modern child psychology, parenting and counseling, Harilal’s downfall into neglect and dejection could well have been avoided if Gandhi had toned down his unreasonable expectations that did not suit his son’s personality.
How did Kasturba live with a demanding, stubborn man; what where her personal wants and regrets; and how much our nation could have benefitted if she were to shine outside the shadow of her husband? In a strange experiment, I imagine Kasturba based on what I remember of my own maternal grandmother’s resilience, the passive-aggressiveness with which she got her way in the house, her tireless Gujarati industriousness, her silent streaks of anger, her diplomatic dealings and her blunt reprimands. In this unscientific way, I get but a minuscule glimpse of Kasturba’s personality.
It is unfair to portray Kasturba (who was born on April 11, 1869) just as an unflinching comrade, an ideal wife and an unquestioning follower. These definitions, even if they are true, blur her individuality as Kasturba - the superwoman. In today’s day and age, I cannot imagine a spouse living up to the kind of expectations that Gandhi had for his wife. But man, live up she did! So, if he was a Mahatma, she equally was one, perhaps more so.
