In an age of gender-reveal parties, baby bumps on Instagram, and hyper-gendered toys and clothing, learning about a baby’s sex is big news. But having a boy rather than a girl, or vice versa, makes some people sad
In many societies across the globe, an ideal family is still a very
gendered project.
We see people wanting the son or daughter they’ve dreamed of or being congratulated for a “gender balanced family” with at least one boy and a girl. Parents who do not achieve this ideal can feel they failed at something important.
At the heart of many testimonies is the belief that only children of a certain sex can do certain things, or have particular traits.
However, the problem with such “gender essentialism” is there’s no strong evidence for it.
Contemporary research challenges the idea there are two distinctly different male or female brains, personality types, behaviours or “natural inclinations” towards particular activities.
It is therefore society that creates, fixates on and reinforces gender differences.
Confusing sex with gender
Parents reporting gender disappointment also seem to confuse sex with gender.
Sex refers to the various biological and physiological bodily characteristics, whereas gender relates to the socially constructed characteristics and roles associated with individuals of a particular sex. And both sex and gender are less binary, more diverse traits than commonly thought.
When parents speak about gender disappointment, they’re sad about missing out on particular activities, relationships or experiences with their child. Yet, there is no guarantee an individual child will identify with the gender desired attributes.
That said, if society gave up gender-specific beliefs, parenting will also be vastly different. The associated disappointment will also then disappear. But overcoming ingrained societal beliefs is a long-term struggle.
