There was a time when someone saying, “May you live in interesting times!” might have made you smile. These days, it feels more like they’re hexing you with a polite curse. One could easily believe the phrase was crafted by a Chinese dancer, mid-sneeze, while watching a buffalo sell for Rs 8 crore. Are we getting ahead of our story?
Take Goa, for instance. A region once known for its pristine beaches and postcard cleanliness is now drafting a slum policy. Yes, you read that right. One newspaper even highlighted an industrial unit responsible for what is now Goa’s largest industrial slum. If this had been a government-owned entity, there would have been flaming effigies in the streets. In Mormugao, reportedly 25% of the population lives in slum-like conditions. The authorities now acknowledge this, noting that the residents are “outsiders.” Ah, but thereby hangs a tale.
Meanwhile, amidst mild snickering and generous PR, Panjim was accorded the ‘Cleanest City’ award – never mind the unseasonal floods and the garbage dumps that seem to mushroom overnight. But there’s hope: AI-powered traffic cameras will soon be deployed at major junctions – because nothing (and no one) can be called smart unless AI is involved. Hand in hand with the onslaught of Artificial Intelligence, a constant question arises about Natural Stupidity, but one refrains from being impolitic.
Elsewhere, a report of maggot-infested rice being distributed through the Department of Civil Supplies is now “under investigation.” Around the same time, an “outsider” was arrested in South Goa with drugs worth over Rs 5 lakh. Police also say that some foreign nationals arrested for drug trafficking treat the whole experience as a blanket extension for their visa. The irresistible question remains: are they inside jail, or outside?
Meanwhile, in a gambling den near the southern border, law enforcement, after raiding the premises, has asked the local PI to explain his “action or inaction.” Police personnel in two separate stations were also attacked while on duty – hopefully, they were not sleeping. And an undertrial in a major land-grab case has publicly accused senior officials of misconduct. One wonders whether the maggots have spread themselves beyond the rice supply…
Further north, in Goa’s border regions, an Orwellian dilemma develops. A Kannada-speaking elephant wandered into Goa, creating bureaucratic chaos. Goa’s government sought Karnataka’s help in sending it back. The latter declined, citing preoccupation with a festival – effectively extending the elephant’s visa in this sun-kissed land.
Meanwhile, hapless Indian citizens face Tughlaqian scenarios over the shifting stances on visas, reminding us of shifting capitals and ill-thought-out tinkering with currency. The U.S., though, continues to outpace Netflix in drama. New York Attorney General Letitia James, long known for her legal crusade against Trump, now faces an indictment for bank fraud. Coincidence? Strategic checkmate?
Back home, Madhya Pradesh throws up another poisoned mushroom. A retired engineer was found hoarding not only crores in gold and silver, but 17 tonnes of honey. Is honey the new hedge? Market analysts may soon shift to sweeter options. Down south in Bengaluru, amidst traffic that is so existentially oppressive, a Zomato delivery agent recently took it upon himself to direct traffic.
And then, over in Meerut, a star attraction at a farmer’s fair: a buffalo named Vidhayak, is reportedly worth Rs 8 crore. Its owner, they say, makes lakhs annually selling his, ahem... genetic material. Somewhere, a stressed IT engineer clutches their sixth cup of chai and mutters, “Should’ve been a vidhayak.”
The recently inaugurated Patna Metro station is back in the news with a bang – shots of gutka abstract on its newly painted surface. One wonders if it’s a public health concern or lack of public concern. One also wonders what’s happening to good old nature nowadays – especially when things cannot be ascribed to global warming or deteriorating food habits. A man in Gorakhpur went in for hernia surgery and came out with the female reproductive system – the whole works – but with no external indications of womanhood. Speaking of hospitals, over in China, a nursing home has sparked outrage by hiring a dancer to convince seniors to take their medicine. Mary Poppins would blush now while she sings: “Just a spoonful of sugar…”
On the self-certified moral policing front, a lady Governor warns young women against live-in relationships, citing horror stories and suggesting the risk of, well, “being chopped into 50 pieces.” It’s like every public address doubles as a crime documentary teaser.
Meanwhile, the Nobel Prizes have been announced. The Peace Prize ultimately went to Maria Corina Machado, for “her tireless work promoting democratic rights for the people of Venezuela and for her struggle to achieve a just and peaceful transition from dictatorship to democracy.” Trump, who has “settled eight wars” in as many months, lurks in the shadows… Should Norway hide the committee’s forwarding address?
This is an attempt at rummaging through headlines, hoping to find meaning. Are we cursed, or blessed, to live in these interesting times? But amid the inquisition-like indictments, and dancing nurses, buffaloes that don’t represent anyone but themselves, hang on to your sense of humour. It’s the only thing that will keep you going.
