Goan Pastor’s Mission in UK - 3: Counselling Goan families, couples in United Kingdom

One of the priorities for Fr Lucas Rodrigues as Goan Chaplain and Parish Priest of Sacred Heart at Royal Wootton Bassett in Swindon has been to provide counselling and related services for Goan families and couples in the UK.

Aware that the culture and freedom offered in the UK differs from situations in Goa, Fr Rodrigues realised that a growing number of Goan couples and families have faced various challenges while adapting to the new country.

“One of the important ministries, after I arrived in Swindon, was family counselling, by reaching out to families and helping them not only in matters of faith but also in family problems and issues. It could be marital tensions or even conflict between children and parents. Helping them in their stressful moments was one of my priorities,” said Fr Rodrigues.

“My outreach has not been restricted to those in Swindon, but I have been advising and counselling families, children, youth and parents over phone all across the country. As Pilar Fathers and as missionaries, we bring that zeal of reaching out to as many Goans as possible.”

Fr Rodrigues admitted that counselling takes up much of his time.

“As a Pilar Father and as parish priest, our doors are open to all people. Many people come to us for counselling or simply to talk to us and open up to their anxieties.”

“I do not have "office timings" and while I have been advised to take time out during lunch, I simply cannot deprive people from connecting with me, when needed. Some like to come to Church during lunch break and I need to be available to them,” said Fr Rodrigues.

PARENT-CHILD TENSIONS

Fr Rodrigues said although many parents try to give their best advice and guidance to their children, many fail for various reasons.

“Many Goan couples face issues pertaining to their children, especially teens and youngsters. Most Goan parents were brought up in Goa to respect their own parents and now, they have similar expectations of their children in the UK. But their children are heavily influenced in school, college and a different society.”

“These children now have different lifestyles, demands and expectations, leading to conflicts between parents and children. This trend is observed among children as young as 13 years. There are times when parents also fail to realise they are in a different society with a different culture,” explains Fr Rodrigues.

“It is sad to witness tensions between parents and children. Parents come to seek help and implore me to resolve this conflict. Along with my core youth team, we have reached out to many troubled youth and have helped them come out of their troubles,” he added.

“While growing in a different culture is always difficult, I must acknowledge that many Goan parents do their best and go out of their way to help their children.”

MARITAL TENSIONS

Fr Rodrigues said another area of counselling involves troubled marriages among Goan couples.

“This has become a growing cause for concern because many couples have marital conflicts barely a few years into their marriage. Many want separation/divorce and I have many such cases,” he said.

“One common reason for separation is that one spouse has found someone else, either in the workplace or elsewhere. Instead of reconciliation and working towards their marriage, some prefer to "dump" their spouses and be single parents, given the many benefits for single parents.”

“Goans generally have a strong family ethos and are God-fearing, hence such situations are very alarming among Goan families now. I hear people telling me: "I have my own life and want to move on...I can't live with my spouse...This won't work for us...You please don't waste your time”.”

Fr Rodrigues believes the main problem for many troubled Goan couples in the UK is that they are not rooted in God.

“Unfortunately, when families try to make a living, work commitments take much of their time and this is when they fail to find the right balance. At times, God is replaced by other things.”

“Marital conflict has a tremendous impact on children, especially the young. Most families come to me for counselling because I have had a close connect with them over the years. Moreover, I have been here long enough to acknowledge and address these issues.”

“Vices like gambling and drinking have also torn families apart. Matka has, unfortunately, become prevalent in the UK as well. While everyone prefers to keep quiet, I have been vocal on this issue. Many Goan families are aware of this vice, but there is a temptation to make a quick buck,” admits Fr Rodrigues.

‘Despite tensions, Goan families offer hope, help’

Goan Chaplain and Parish Priest of Sacred Heart at Royal Wootton Bassett in Swindon Fr Lucas Rodrigues has praised Goans families for their religious fervour, a desire to resolve their tensions and rendering help to others in troubled situations.

“Our Goan community has been a backbone of the Church in recent times. The Goan community has rekindled the flame of faith in the Church at Swindon, and all over the UK,” acknowledges Fr Rodrigues.

“Today, our families are very committed to various ministries within the Church. Through the Goan Chaplaincy, there are many Goans who fan the flame of faith through our Charismatic prayer groups and outreach programmes.”

“The beautiful thing is, there are Goan families willing to help others in their problems and difficult times. Generosity and goodness are shared with other troubled families. Though sometimes, we may have our own issues and troubles, yet love, charity and concern of a true Goan are often seen in our community, fostering understanding and fellowship,” he adds.

A file photo of Fr Lucas Rodrigues interacting with Goan families at a social event in London.