My boyfriend and I have known each other for the last 10years and have been in a relationship for the past four years. We belong todifferent religious backgrounds, and therefore our parents are against us gettingmarried. Though he managed to convince his family that I am the girl he willmarry, his mother thinks I will be a misfit. I on my side have not been able toconvince my parents. What should I do? Do I go against my parents’ wishes? Howdo I convince my family?
Safa Singh
Dear Safa, if you and your boyfriend are convinced that youare meant for each other, I do not see why you cannot go ahead. True, theapproval of parents does matter, but ultimately, it is you two who will beacting on your decision and facing the consequences of whatever you decide –which would mean sailing alone without the comforting thought that your parentsare there to bank on. Gone are the days when it was mandatory that people marrywithin caste, religion and geography. With education and the media broadeninghorizons, hanging on to these differences doesn’t fit. In fact, come to thinkof it, religion is but man made. So if you feel this is right, go ahead I shallsay. Perhaps the parents will not get convinced or they might melt after theyare forced to accept that you will not budge.
He cannot make up his mind
Dear Auntie, I am 23 years old. There was a boy in my college and we had a mutual ‘thing’ for each other though we never dated. In the last year of college, he got himself a girlfriend, but my feelings for him did not change. We still kept in touch. He has confessed to me many a time that he has feelings for me too and wished that he could have me along with his girlfriend. Now, he has broken up with his girlfriend and though I thought this meant we could be with each other, he says that I am not his ‘type’. He got himself another girlfriend but I cannot get over him. Please advise.
Esmeralda Coelho
Dear Esmeralda, the first line of advice that pops up in my mind after reading your letter is, do not waste your time and feelings on this boy. He comes across as not knowing what exactly he wants and in the bargain, you are tagged along; you seem like his side dish - a dish you need not necessarily eat with your main meal, but might eat if you feel like it. He turns to you when he needs someone to talk, gives your feelings a boost, but when he has the opportunity to act on his words, he backs off with a lame excuse. Just pick up your feelings and get going, because he ain’t gonna change. Perhaps he never did have feelings for you, and while that might hurt, it might just be the sentence you need to open your eyes.
Distance between best friends
We have been best friends since class 6. We have always beenthere for each other, to cry, to laugh and talk endlessly. We hanged out somuch that our mothers had to call us to remind us to come home. We sailedthrough high school and then made different career choices which resulted in usfinding different groups of friends. After graduating, our work schedules puteven more restraints on our time and we do not see each other for months.Though we have our respective groups of friends, I find myself missing my oldfriend and the old times. I wish we could talk the way we used to and bridgethe gap but it feels awkward to do so now. Please advise on how I can go aboutdoing this.
Smita Prabhudesai
Dear Smita, maybe you could start by sending a text messageto her, asking how she’s been. And then no matter how hectic your schedulesare, resolve to make time for a meal. From there, it should not be difficult.There is a way that the ease of relationships is not forgotten though theymay have rusted over time. I am sure, that though through the years you andyour friend have changed as people, the reason you are friends still remains.
