I am 19 years old and am in love with a 30-year-old man. Iam okay with the age difference but my parents are against the union. He isready to wait till I complete my graduation. I am happy with him and want tomarry him. How do I convince my parents? Please help.
Nisha Chodankar
Dear Nisha, since you have not finished your studies, whynot have patience and do what’s first on the list – getting a degree. Perhaps yourparents believe – and their concern is justified – that you are too young totake a decision of getting married. On the same note, you are at an age wherelove is about pink hearts, cuddly toys and chocolates. While that might bepartly true about love, marriage brings with it responsibilities that turn thepink hearts to brown and make the chocolates taste bitter, if one is notprepared. You also have to be certain that you are not looking at this man witheyes that have hearts for pupils; and while I may be wrong, the ‘adventures’that older men embark upon when ‘getting older’ becomes a harsh reality isn’tuncommon. What I would suggest is, take it easy, socialise more and when youare out of college and have been on your own feet for a couple of years is thetime to think of marriage.
Bitter boss
I work in a software MNC and am placed on a project in ateam of five people. We have a team lead who supervises our work. He seemedlike a nice person and since I am a fresher right out of college, I looked upto him because he has A LOT of knowledge. My respect for him was, however,short-lived. He began phoning me and in the guise of speaking about‘well-being’ and ‘art of living’, talked about how sex is practiced in the Oshoashram and about ‘pleasure points’. He also commented on what a great physiqueand figure I have. Whenever we converse, he looks at me inappropriately andmakes me want to squirm. He even asked me to come out for a movie and says hewill teach me how to be an ‘open’ woman. I told him I do not like such talk,and he retaliated by yelling at me for no fault of mine in front of my teammates. I cannot complain to the boss because he is a senior official and isvery much respected in the organisation; they will not believe me. I don’t wantto leave the job because it is not my fault. Please advise.
Harassed
Sexually harassed is what I would describe your situationand I am sorry about what is happening with you. Nearly 88 percent of thefemale workforce in IT and BPOs are reported to have encountered suchsituations whether be it verbal abuse, asking sexual favours or physicalcontact. But lack of awareness, lack of suitable laws in the workplace or fearhas many victims not reporting the incidents. The Union Cabinet has cleared theProtection of Women from Sexual Harassment at Workplace Bill, 2007 in the monthof May, 2012 to ensure a safe environment for women at work places, both inpublic and private sectors whether organized or unorganized. If you have theverve, you can very well raise hue about this – first by informing your HR personand then through criminal proceedings. However, before doing so, I suggest youarm yourself with proof – the next time he begins to talk, subtly turn on therecorder on your phone. That way there is no way anybody can refute your case.
She is a nag
I am 32 and married. We have a child who is 2 years old. Mywife is a nag and I have forgotten why I fell in love with her. When I go outof the house, she immediately calls me on my phone to ask my whereabouts. Shedoesn’t like me spending time with my friends, which I need to do. After all, aman needs time away from family and with his drinking buddies. With all thistension, our sex life is not pleasant and is on the way to extinction. I admitI have a problem – the behaviour of my wife has exacerbated my already presentalcohol problem, I drink so much I was found passed out on the road on twooccasions. I dread going back home, to a marriage where love seems to havefled. Please help.
Romeo
Dear Romeo, what I see here is both of you holding on toyour own sweet habits with the word ‘understanding’ thrown out of the window.Her behaviour speaks insecurity and it is up to you to get those insecuritiesout. Take her out one day to a place you both cherished in those ‘days of beingin love’ and sit her down and explain that her calling you more often thanrequired is not very pleasant. Reassure her that home is where your heart is. Awoman needs to feel secure and wanted. Also explain why you need ‘buddy-time’.But I would advise you to limit this ‘buddy-time’ twice a week. You have a wifeand child now and this causes a tectonic shift in a man’s responsibilities. Goout with her and your child instead, have more dinners out, go to the beach,the movies or long drives. Appreciate that while you work at office, she workswithin the walls of the house with only other human being, your child. When youboth begin appreciating each other, you will see the fondness returning and youwill not need the bottle for solace.
