Humans are amongst the few species on this planet to enjoy an extended childhood. During these twenty odd years, the young human brain finally reaches full maturity to allow for adult functioning. Experience becomes the teacher, guided by various socio- cultural interactions. The helplessness a child experiences is an indicator of this process. Toddlers for example are largely dependent on their parents to help them with their basic functioning. Slowly the child begins to learn to walk, talk, eat on their own, ask for help, assert, express appropriate emotions and form their own identity. Thus the role of parenting is crucial for normal development. Speaking with young parents I often sense this responsibility through the pride they feel when children excel, the doubts they have in wanting to do the right thing, and in their feelings of helplessness when things go wrong.
One of the greatest fears parents experience is the lack of control over possible danger that could harm their children. Fear of illness, accidents and failure, lurk behind shadows of everyday living. Amongst the worst is the fear that their child could be a victim of sexual abuse. So when one hears about the sexual abuse of a young child, a deep sense of rage overwhelms us. It is difficult to comprehend, rationalize, let alone empathize. Blood for blood is what we seek.
How could a group of juveniles brutally rape an even younger child? The media picks this up and then a politician interferes and before you know it people are on the street asking for the blood of the rapist. Nobody willing to listen, demanding justice and retribution. Seeking amendments to a carefully constructed law to treat the juvenile in an adult court. How can a young teenager who brutally rapes an even younger child show no remorse? Should they be treated as a juvenile or a felon? The problem escalates itself to become a political agenda and by demanding death penalties and harsher punishments, we hope that the problem would disappear. Would it really?
To comprehend child sexual abuse, one needs to understand the perpetrator. Who is this sexual maniac that is capable of committing such a gruesome crime of innocence?
A nationwide study claimed that 95% of the time this monster was a family member, relative or friend, someone whom the family trusted and lived within close proximity of the child. The abuse was never a one-time event but repeated. The remaining 5 % were by strangers of which less than a percentage are juvenile delinquents, whom we want to make as examples for the rest to learn.
Most of the cases of an older teenager abusing a younger child happens in a family set up. This occurs because of sexual curiosity and experimenting. It is easier for an older sibling or relative/ friend to convince a younger child to participate in this sexual act. Normally these situations arise in families when there is no adult supervision. And more importantly because no significant adult has spoken to the child about their sexuality or what and how to express their sexual feelings. Such children eventually stop on their own or when caught and reprimanded.
The other cases of reports of young teenagers abusing younger kids are associated with an antisocial element. These acts of abuse are always picked up by the media for their gruesome nature where the victim suffers physical injury and requires medical attention. Here the abuse is violent, happens in the company of peers and most often under the influence of alcohol or drugs. These teenagers come from dysfunctional, abusive families themselves and have witnessed much aggression to think it is normal to be aggressive. This sexual crime is more about male peer culture, wanting to break the law, assert their power over women and feel superior. To believe that young women have to be taught their place is something these young boys have picked up from their environment. Can we have prevent these gruesome acts of aggression against young girls if we gender sensitise our society, or is death penalty the answer.
These are the cases that we react to and demand justice, but what about the remaining 95 % of the cases especially those that are repeated events and the victim suffers deep emotional scars. The chances that your child could suffer sexual abuse is highest amongst such perpetrators. How does one protect their child from such danger?
The only way is by discussing sexual abuse with children. Building confidence in children to assert unwarranted touch by learning to say ‘No’ to an uncomfortable touch and always reporting such advances no matter who the adult is. When a child feels uncomfortable around another adult it’s better to probe. Trust your child and your instinct. Adults and adolescents who sexually abuse children usually rely on secrecy. Being nonjudgmental and open about sexual issues with your child is perhaps the only way to break through this secrecy. When you find children and their peers being sexually aggressive in play, address your concern. Speak to them about physical boundaries that need to be maintained. Gender sensitization is the social cultural environment we have to create to combat child sexual abuse not the gallows.
Dr Aldina Braganza e Gomes is a clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and associate professor, HOD, Dept of Psychology Carmel College
