PANAJI
The growing frequency of marriages falling apart has been cause for concern within civic and religious institutions in Goa.
State authorities have recorded 945 divorces among 23,902 marriages in Goa in the last three years, a divorce rate of 3.95% and 26.25 divorces per month, but there have been 254 divorces among 5,041 marriages in the last six months alone, a divorce rate of 5.04% and an average of 42.33 divorces per month.
The Church in Goa has been involved in several initiatives to promote and preserve marriages and they include pre-nuptial processes, pre-marriage formation courses and even counselling sessions. Despite all these measures, priests in the Archdiocese are dismayed over a rise in broken marriages in Goa.
DIOCESAN CENTRE
Fr Albano Fernandes, Director of the Diocesan Family Service Centre, said it is really mysterious and unfortunate that after doing the best that the Catholic Church is doing, many marriages are falling apart in Goa.
“What I have realised is that lifestyle, poor communication, interference of in-laws and lack of commitment is leading to a breakdown in marriages,” said Fr Fernandes.
“Being in the Family Apostolate in our Archdiocese of Goa and Daman for many years, it has become alarmingly evident that interference of in-laws is one of the major reasons for early separation or divorce in marriages.”
“Therefore, I have been requesting Parish Priests to include a mandatory session for in-laws and couples during their marriage preparation for couples in their respective Parishes. It could help in some ways to sort out the issues emerging in the early months and years of marital journey,” said Fr Fernandes.
He pointed out that the dynamics of family lifestyle has changed in modern times, since women also work.
“Women have become more independent financially and therefore, the need to face difficulties and problems together has become a challenge. This leads to lack of commitment towards marital obligations. What I can't understand is couples seeking annulment or divorce after being in love for years, sometimes more than 7 years.”
“I have noticed, especially during the counselling sessions, many couples lack listening and communication skills. What I have seen is more discussions and debates, and less of dialogue.”
“Lastly, it is unfortunate and sad that many couples who attend the pre-marriage course do so for the sake of the certificate. We conduct 40 week-end courses in a year with appropriate topics to help couples prepare meaningfully and seriously for their marriage. Our speakers are professional. However, the expected fruits are not seen bearing,” Fr Fernandes added.
PATRIARCHAL TRIBUNAL
Fr Boniface Furtado, Judge at the Patriarchal Tribunal, said the reasons why many Catholic marriages are falling apart in Goa are varied.
“But more than this, we need to assess the different circumstances in which the parties enter into marriage, that is, whether they are able to decide freely and willingly, or, whether there is some internal or external pressure to get married, e.g. parental and societal pressures to get married soon or coming of age, or having the concept that getting married means getting “settled” in life, and so on.”
“Also, the many marriages which are happy and successful need to be taken as sources of inspiration and guidance to live forever in good conjugal interpersonal relationship,” said Fr Furtado.
PARISHES
Fr Walter de Sa, Immaculate Conception Church at Panaji, felt a few cases of broken marriages are due to friendships based on internet relationships.
“In order to find a partner, individuals resort to marriage sites. Initially, they think they are meant for each other but after sometime they see that weaknesses outweigh their strengths. They find it difficult to cope with the emerging crisis,” said Fr de Sa.
“Also, it so happens that when the husband works overseas and leaves behind his wife at home with his mother, and if he is the only son, he is likely to be mama's boy. The wife runs the risk of drifting away as she feels suffocated at home given the treatment she gets from her mother in-law as well as her sister-in-law (if any).”
“At times, the husband is intolerant with utter disregard to his wife with ambition to grab material possessions.”
Fr de Sa also said felt too much socialising outside one's home, singly, on either side, can lead to separation.
“When trapped in such imbroglio, the faith formation of the couple weakens and the spirituality of married life is overpowered by negative emotions,” he said.
Fr Victor Ferrao, Parish Priest at St Francis Xavier Church at Borim, said it is sad that divorces are increasing in Goa.
“Goa has changed fast. Life is accelerated for everyone. Our youth too are living in the fast lane on the wings of the smartphone. A smartphone unites those who are far away and often divides those who are nearby,” said Fr Ferrao.
“The new culture that has emerged has made us impatient and even intolerant. The culture of self-indulgence and self-gratification seem to be taking a toll on our families. It is because of the inability to make sacrifices and accommodate with the other partner, many of our marriages are breaking down despite our investments in pre-marriage formation at different levels”, he said.
