When we think of the word ‘mental’ the first thing that comes to mind is abnormality, insanity, absolute madness. These words sure represent my thoughts when it comes to the mentality we exhibit here in this wonderful country of ours. Every great change requires a great change in the environment. Major development is only seen when people are willing to throw away their faulty beliefs and take on the more progressive thought processes. And what is progressive? In my head, just plain, run-of-the-mill logic.
True, traditions have come from extremely valid places. As the years have gone by, we have put our own spin on things and have come up with entirely bizarre rules of thumb. The mentality of our brethren is what perpetuates our flaws. We are in no way perfect and that perfection we strive for seems but a distant dream when we look at the way we think. In India, our mentalities about certain things are downright wrong and we are seldom willing to accept. Today we will discuss just a few and hopefully find some light in the way we see things.
I would like to start with a very personal experience I had a few days ago. I am a single, independent woman and I love my job. I have studied hard and worked tirelessly to reach where I have and I continue to power through. As age, my friendly foe, has crept up so stealthily on me, my extended family normally wastes no time whatsoever in flinging at me the one question that never ceases to hit me in the chest. Yes, that’s right… when are you getting married? Right here I would like to also say that, it’s not like I haven’t tried. Some confident young ‘eligible bachelor’ contacted me a few days ago and started making promises about a happy life even before he told me his name or where he came from. Now, the flattery was quite interesting but then the bombs started to be hurled at me. “I’m between jobs” he said. I asked, “since when?” “Oh just a few years” he said. “How qualified are you?” I asked, “I’m an undergrad” he said. “And what do you think we share in common?” I asked. “I’m in search of a partner and so are you” he said. I must say, the confidence had me swooning… NOT! When I said sorry, I don’t think we are compatible, immediately his sweet words and promises turned into hate and the how dare you not fall in love with my unambitious self!! The mentality being, ‘I’m a man willing to marry you, and just that gives me the right to demand that you be mine’. Why is it that our men feel that they have a right to every woman they meet? The ‘see and take’ mentality is sadly why our country is one riddled with rape and crimes against women.
Another excruciatingly painful mentality we observe here is the double standard we all experience at some point or the other. Be it on the basis of gender, caste, creed or religion. The double standards are so rampant, no wonder most of us are only seeing double. Parents who come from a so-called progressive thought, still waste no time to differentiate between their sons and daughters when it comes to the amount of freedom they get. The, ‘I own you because I produced you’ attitude is yet another nail in our overstuffed coffins. Do children owe their lives to their parents? Sure trends are changing but then again, we are an all or nothing species. Our trends go from one extreme to another. Where is the balance? Where is the middle ground?
India is one of the most beautiful countries in the world. People come here from all corners of the globe, just to take in the stunning surroundings. Steeped in culture, this great nation has plenty to boast about. From manmade sites, to natural beauty, we have it all. From the northern point to the southern tip, there is plenty to see. But we have to leave our mark everywhere we go, don’t we? Either by writing our names or proclaiming our undying love for our lover of the season. We mar the beauty of our land by allowing our small-minded, over-pompous selves to take what isn’t ours and pretend that we own the world. It is truly insane, these mentalities we have. Change is the only step forward. Change the mindset and the better days will be here.
- Charlene Farrell is a counselling psychologist who works extensively with children and adolescents. She also counsels and works with individuals of all ages. Emotional well-being, to her, is of utmost importance to a fruitful existence
