Keith L
So, what you’re saying is this “ you want to go around, tell people that they smell and perhaps even suggest that they use deodorants, or bathe etc? Are you also going to be handing out deodorants? Do I get a free one every month if you like my advice? Yes? No? The mission is possible, yes, of course. What I would suggest you do is invest in a good medical insurance scheme, you know, because you’ll be walking around in the hot sun, smelling god knows who. Actually, the scheme is for when you get beaten up for telling people that they stink, literally. I feel your pain. I can’t stand the smell of stale sweat, or fresh sweat for that matter, when I’m on my way to work by bus. I went to the bank once, and the person in the cash counter smelled ripe, like a ripe chickoo. You know what I mean. It was a bit sickening, but it also made my crave a good milkshake. I now know why.
I’m not trying to discourage you but this plan of yours does have a lot of loopholes. I suggest you stop and ponder on it a little. Oh, this message will self-destruct in…BOOM!
Antsy Uncle
Single or double?
I once joked about not getting married until I hit 35. I’m going to turn 34 in April and I’m still single. Should I be worried? Did I jinx myself?
Pat
That’s a difficult answer to give you, simply because I’m look at you (or imagining myself looking at you) and thinking, “What is the world is wrong with this ****?” There are a hundred reasons for you being single now, and I do not think any of them are because you may have ‘jinxed’ yourself when you made that proclamation. Maybe you’re an idiot who doesn’t know how to treat women. Maybe you’re just not that good looking. Maybe you smell. Those are just three possible options. I’m sure if you spend as much time thinking about why you’re still single, from a plausible point of view, instead of coming up with stupid reasons like being jinxed, you may be able to introspect and find out the real reason why you repel women.
Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because you just haven’t met the lady who is going to make your heart skip a beat. If you have a heart that is. Okay, I’m kidding. I don’t know you, and I’m making fun of you. Hold on, that’s what I live for. Please do write in more often? Don’t be worried. Your time will come. Or maybe you were meant to die a bachelor. See, I just can’t resist this.
Antsy Uncle
Reliving memories
What is the solution to stopping my parents, uncles and other elders from complaining every Carnival that it is not what it used to be, and how they used to leave their doors open in the 70s and not get robbed in Goa?
Sammy
Listen Sammy, there’s nothing wrong with your elders thinking about the days of yore. I think about it too, especially when I see some of my former classmates and I think back to when I used to crave some female attention. I think those years left a few scars that have not healed. Like the time I was supposed to meet this girl in Margao, so I left from Mapusa, went all the way there. Waited at the bus stop until it was time for the last bus to leave. She met me in college a few days later and pretended that she forgot about meeting me. I still can’t figure out whether it was a practical joke or whether I was just imagining the romance. She’s married in America with two kids and I still wish I had met her at the bus stop. Thank goodness my wife doesn’t know I write this column. But coming back to your parents and elders. I grew up in Bombay, now Mumbai, and back then in the 70s when I was in high school, we used to leave our doors open all night too. Things were simpler back then, not just in Goa. Let your folks be. It’s all they have right now, those memories.
Antsy Uncle
