DR UBALDINA NORONHA
The idea of celebrating friendship was first floated in 1930 by Joyce Hall, founder of Hallmark Cards, to encourage people to send cards to friends. It was seen as too commercial and did not catch on in the spirit intended.
July 30 marked the International Day of Friendship commemorated by the UN. The idea was to promote friendship as a core human need. On April 27, 2011, the UN General Assembly officially declared a Friendship Day, inviting all member states to observe it according to their own cultures and customs.
In a world fractured by war, anti-immigrants, political polarisation and digital isolation, friendship is a quiet but powerful force for social cohesion and mental health. The UN resolution explicitly links friendship to peace-building, dialogue among civilisations, solidarity, mutual understanding, and reconciliation.
In this part of the world, Friendship Day is celebrated on the first Sunday of August, this year being August 2. But what does friendship mean to the common person? In terms of human behaviour, friendship is one of the few relationships that is chosen, not imposed. That makes it a unique space for trust, empathy and voluntary kindness.
Psychological research consistently shows that people with stable, high-quality friendships are more satisfied with life, less likely to suffer from depression and anxiety, and even less likely to die prematurely from all causes, including heart disease and chronic illness.
Friends act as emotional buffers; they help us process stress, grief, and failure. They reflect back who we are and who we can become. We get a sense of belongingness from their presence and a feeling that we are not alone in our struggles.
Together, friends can create a safe space, where one can be imperfect without fear of abandonment. Friends challenge us, call out our blind spots, and model new ways of being. Shared histories, rituals, inside jokes and memories create a private world that is unique to each friendship.
However, not all relationships can be genuine friendships. Toxic friendships often feel confusing because while there may be moments of warmth, the harm caused is more severe. Such so-called friendships can cause an emotional drain where one consistently feels more anxious, judged, or inadequate. Guilt-tripping can be more used as a manipulative way to get a person to conform to one’s wishes. Chronic criticism may come disguised as honesty. Disrespect for boundaries, competitiveness, envy, drama and instability characterise such toxic friendships. If a friendship consistently harms one’s mental or physical health, it is reasonable to end it. One can also choose respectful distance without causing too much attention.
The paradox of today’s world is that while digital friendship helps to stay in touch across distances, an increase in loneliness is also being reported despite being more connected. Social media allows us to share moments instantly and maintain a sense of ongoing connection. This is especially valuable in communities that have a dispersed diaspora like Goan communities across the globe. At the same time, the constant noise of digital interaction can make it harder to carve out unhurried, device-free time for real conversation.
One has to keep in mind that social media is a tool, not the relationship itself. The question is whether it serves our deeper need for connection. In a world of algorithms, reels and curated lives, the most radical act may be to choose one or two people and love them well, offline and over time.
Great friendships begin when we learn to be a good friend ourselves. Showing up consistently, listening without advising, respecting boundaries, being honest but kind, celebrating one another’s win, apologising for mistakes instead of defending them and making space for change allows friendships to grow and evolve positively.
Perhaps the truest way to honour International Day of Friendship is not by posting a photo but by becoming the kind of friend you would want in your own darkest hour.
(The writer is Associate Professor, Department of Psychology, St Xavier’s College, Mapusa)
