I need space. I need space in my cupboards. I need space in my childrens’ cupboards. Most of all, I need space to keep all the prized clutter that I will remove to create space. I tell the children very often that we should remove stuff that is no longer needed or cannot be worn. They seem to be taking this more seriously than I ever meant. To my dismay, the kid actually one day handed me his unwanted artwork, too childish toys and some clothes. I was flabbergasted. Since they never hear you otherwise, it puts you off-balance to know that they actually do.
In that bunch of discarded artwork was a paper where the kid has scribbled the alphabet, one of a waterfall drawing, another of his school friends and so on. All too precious to me, but not to him. I gingerly broached the topic of perhaps retaining a few pieces, to which pat came the reply, “But didn’t you say that I should clear it?” Of course, I did .
Therefore, here I am now, way past bedtime, sorting his stuff and wanting to keep every one of his ‘Picassos’. Ditto for some of the outfits that he has overgrown. I remember so many of them. This one from when he skidded off the road and ripped his trousers. Why would I throw it away? Wouldn’t I throw the memory away then? So, I keep it back. And this tee-shirt, which he just refused to ever wear because he just did not like it; I should specifically keep it, since there aren’t many that he refused to wear. I just must store this jacket, which got too big when it was purchased and hence stashed away and then too small when I finally remembered to take it out. This wonderful shirt was gifted by so-and-so and I should keep it as her keepsake. I have a picture of the beautiful day we spent on the beach when the kid was wearing his green shorts, how can I throw them in the trash?
And so it goes, every time I get an urge to clean or take stock, I add up with holding on to pretty much everything. And I have to now do it relatively secretively , so that the kids can believe me enough to de-clutter their stuff. This time, after the kid’s de-cluttering and my secret re-cluttering, I am left to create some more space.
I think the kid might have smelled that I stash most of what he marks as discard. How do I know? Because one fine day, he handed me a piece of art with the off-side comment that he does not want it, but mother can keep it, if she wants. Another day, I triumphantly handed him back his old art-set to his google-eyed surprise, which was to me a well-earned Mother-win. That was the kid’s eye-opener. I think, he is now sorting his stuff on his own, without really conferring with me. Because I can see actual space there now , to keep new materials and create new memories.
Khalil Gibran put it so eloquently when he spoke of relationships. He said “Let there be spaces in your togetherness”. But it is quite evident that I have understood it otherwise. As a well-earned and richly deserved Mother honour, I get first dibs on what should be thrown away and thus, valuable space created. Instead, I use veto power on what should be get and stashed. Stashed for eternity, stashed to be brought out again at some other time in the future and then stashed right back.
Because, you see, what do mothers need? Every crooked red crayon line that was ever scribbled and every cutesy outfit that was ever worn. And yes, we need space. Most times, I think, from ourselves.
- Sonia Kuncalienker is an avid writer on matters that have no importance to anyone in the universe
