The suicide of a television actress last week reiterates once again the urgent need for informed and sustained discussions on dealing with depression and mental health. Police investigation and allegations by Pratyusha Banerjee’s friends and family reveal an individual who was quite possibly clinically depressed. Pratyusha, who starred in the lead role of the popular Hindi serial Baalika Vadhu was allegedly publicly assaulted by her live-in boyfriend. In addition to being in an abusive relationship, she probably faced financial troubles.
Would the 24-year-old be alive today had someone taken her to a trained psychoanalyst, counselor and doctor? Could she be alive had she simply walked away from a damaging relationship? While speculations will keep bouncing in the dark, without any right or wrong answer, one thing is certain: Another life is lost to a malfunction equally deadly as cancer or heart attack. Recent studies have shown that irrespective of its nature of recurrence “ short-term or long-term, with or without social or genetic triggers, depression is dangerous and must be treated with the same alertness as any other disease.
Unfortunately, in our society, mental health is discussed in hushed whispers and conveniently covered up in family and social circles with white lies. There is nothing shameful about having a family member who suffers from the agonies of depression and related crises. Instead of being a solid support system, most patients get discouraged by empty verbal placebos. Worse, there is outright rejection and a stubborn denial to acknowledge the severity of mental health problems. A person who likely needs professional care, possibly medication, is smothered by a mob of over-compassionate friends and relatives. Conversely, some depressed people complain of being treated with studied indifference on the assumption that things will come back to normal sooner or later.
The Pratyusha Banerjee case brings to light many issues that are commonly acknowledged as triggers of depression. Domestic violence pushes the victim in a constant state of insecurity and low self-esteem. Emotional abuse, which is often a precursor of full-fledged physical violence, begins early on in damaging relationships where the victim is systematically isolated from their close circle and is manipulated into complete reliance on the abuser.
Pratyusha, like many ambitious young people, was trying to settle in a new city and make her mark in a cut-throat industry. Her reliance on her boyfriend might have been need-based. It is difficult to engage in a new relationship, make new friends, run the risk of losing old contacts, shift apartments and fund new house-deposits at the drop of a hat in Mumbai. It is better to risk it with a known devil than bang heads with the unknown.
Reasons that seem perfectly pragmatic at one point become shackles later on. Feeling trapped and unable to bear the guilt of wrong choices, young people begin to go in a shell. If only one could shake these youngsters up and shout till they get it that nothing “ absolutely nothing “ is worth giving up life.
The day she killed self, on April 1, many witnesses claim that Rahul Raj, her boyfriend, beat and assaulted her in Carnival Mall. On Wednesday, Pratyusha’s boyfriend applied for anticipatory bail. One question for all the best-friends who are holding press conferences now - if they knew their friend was in an abusive relationship, what concrete measures had they taken to help her? Unfortunately, the film and television industry has the worst role models, with dozens of leading stars being accused of committing, or suffering, from abuse. There is also an alarming rate of suicides in the glamour industry.
Back in college, a friend jumped in the river. A few months back, a relative stunned us by killing himself. Both young men were cheerful and amiable. They never gave away the desperation of their thoughts till it was too late. Statistics suggest that men are more vulnerable to depression and suicides than women. Talks of gender equality will remain unequal till we begin to acknowledge the emotional conflicts of men as well.
Our culture encourages men to be aggressive and brash. It also trains them to hide their emotions. Such forced conditioning leads to a severe dichotomy that is highly susceptible to emotional turbulence. It is quite possible that in spite of their conscience clearly disapproving their abusive behavior, men engaged in domestic violence shy away from making amends and admitting their guilt because such pacifism is clearly at odds with their patriarchal conditioning. If they soften up, they might run the risk of being chided by a sexist group of macho friends. Unable to express their emotions as easily as women, sensitive, emotional men suck up their feelings and end up in a vicious cycle of confused machismo. An article, Teaching Men to Be Emotionally Honest, by Andrew Reiner and published in The New York Times on April 4, 216, discusses the above issues in the context of recent research and innovative teaching programs.
Suicide cases leave more questions than answers. Counselors say that the drastic decision is sometimes taken at the spur of the moment and a simple distraction at the time can change the course of one’s life. Pratyusha rose to fame like a shooting star and vanished just as abruptly. But, the projectile of life shouldn’t blaze and fizzle out like that. This unfortunate case only reminds us, once again, the need of reaching out to friends and family, of being alert and empathetic to notice sudden mood changes and being proactive to ensure help without being asked.
