There are thousands of quotes on first impressions and all are highly paradoxical. For instance we have all had this one thrown at us ‘The first impression is the last impression’ and the conversely, according to Vincent D’Onorfrio ‘it’s pretty simple, pretty obvious: That people’s first impressions of people are really a big mistake.’ Experience teaches us for ourselves which side of the paradox we agree with more. I for one am a strong believer in the beauty of individuality and that to really appreciate something or someone we have to go deeper and that ‘what you see is seldom what you get’.
The beauty of creation lies in the fact that everything is so very complex. Don’t you ever stop to wonder how a flower blooms? What are all the processes involved? Why are no two petals exactly alike? When we look at the complexity with which the world and everything in it is layered, we can really appreciate individuality. Yes, my spark for this piece hasn’t been ignited by flowers and bounty but by something a tad bit hurtful. Today, through this piece, I would like to discuss and dissect the habit we have embraced of judging people at the first encounter. Yes, today I would like to discuss the unfairness of what we call making that fatal first impression.
The fatal first impression sadly turns out to be the impression we carry about the person through all circumstances and situations and that can be very unfair. This unrestrained passing of judgement has proved time and again to be of very negative consequence. We as human beings however, find it extremely easy to not only pass judgement but sadly spread that ‘expert opinion’ around to anyone with ears. Judgment has been defined as ‘the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions’. Right there in the definition of the term do we understand that the conclusions we draw ought to be logical and based on a well planned and executed process. We however, rely on our opinion and hearsay to draw critical conclusion. Of course, at this juncture, I would like to point out strongly, that it’s not only the person being judged who ends up on the wrong side of the stick. If you have ever been in a situation wherein you paint a wonderful picture of the person before you on the first meeting and as time goes by the painting is tarnished by the reality of the viciousness before you, then you will understand what we mean here.
When you jump to conclusions based on what you have heard about the person from another ‘so called expert’, the outcome is negative for both. For you, because you have been cheated out of an opportunity to get to know a potentially wonderful person who might potentially enrich your life in some way and for the person being judged because they have not been afforded the opportunity of a fair chance. Here, we need to play the individuality card again. With every individual being so very unique, their perceptions and their preferences also are unique. In the same way, what one person finds irritating, could be something really pleasant for another, as we have heard ‘one man’s meat is another man’s poison’.
Jumping to conclusions based on your own analysis of the person has the same outcome. Even some of the most renowned psychologists, who have spent their lives learning and understanding human behaviour will not confidently say ‘I just have to meet a person and I can define his/her personality’. But we as laypeople have absolutely no qualms regarding our opinions, especially those relating to another. What will help you refrain here is being aware of the fact of why you are making these assumptions. Very often, we find ourselves totally judging the ‘book by its cover’. We equate what our visual senses are taking in to what the emotional network in the other is. ‘She is wearing a short skirt, must be a really loose character’, ‘He has an earring, must be a waster’, ‘She has tattoos and piercings, must be a total party animal who drinks and smokes’, ‘He’s so well dressed, must be a decent boy’. Aren’t these a few stereotypically easy judgements to fall into? Yet we fall easily. What is behind the façade is what really matters. The real essence lies deep within. Snap judgements often speak very loudly of insecurities within you. If we think we can go around drawing snappy and flawed conclusions about others, we have another think coming. Remember how multi-layered you are and how amazing you are if someone really gets to know you and afford that luxury to someone else as well. Forming an impression at the drop of a hat might be easy, but really getting to know someone and appreciating the totality of who they are, that’s a reward that can’t be measured.
