The intricacies of life bring you to various experiences and what remains a constant is the fact that being human, human relationship and contact is one thing we always have around us. Yes, there are those who have attained nirvana and really do not need to be surrounded by people but those self-actualised souls are beyond the scope of this piece. Here we shall deal with what we know, who we know and the basics. Human relationships, be they of any sort or kind are the bonds that make us and cause us to carry forth in life.
A relationship is defined as ‘the way in which two or more people or things are connected or a state of being connected’. From this definition and from experience, we notice that relationships are a two way street. As we go through life, relationships take on deeper meanings. Being human, we are more than instinctual beings. Things around us impact us and in turn we impact things around us. We also exert influence on other people and in turn get influenced ourselves. In the whole process, we form behaviour patterns and expectations which could at times dictate how we behave around those we care about.
Very often we look at people around us as a means to an end. Be they family, friends, loved ones or even acquaintances. This attitude over a period of time actually isolates us from those around. When we fail to give importance to any given relationship and when we fall into a habit of taking the relationship for granted we give out a vibe that we actually are not worthy of the love, loyalty and trust of another human being. Most of the time we are totally unaware of the fact that we are actually doing anything wrong. This world has turned into a conundrum, one that we find difficult to decipher. Do we fight for what we want? Isn’t success all important? To be successful don’t we have to be smart and at times cunning? These are questions that I’m sure have occurred to you at some point. The bottom line however, is that we have plenty of resources, plenty of means to attain our desires. Trampling on another human being is definitely not one of them.
We have been blessed to share moments with people we love. One of the best ways to get through a problem is to vent. And who better to vent to rather than someone you trust. When we form relationships based on trust, it’s never lonely, whether on the top or somewhere in the middle and yes, even when you have reached rock bottom. This journey called life takes us through various challenges and triumphs and the best part of it all is actually having someone to share them with. A spouse, a parent, a sibling, a child and a friend or even a co-worker are all great at providing the support and the hand required to climb from step to step, physically, emotionally and psychologically. To garner such unbridled support however, is not an easy and automatic feat. As we began, the understanding that every relationship is a two-way street means that, if we want to be on the receiving end, we also have to be ready to provide.
We constantly need to re-evaluate our behaviours, most especially with the ones closest to us. After the initial effort of creating the relationship, we tend to slip into a sort of comfort zone where we feel that no extra effort is required to keep the relationship. We take for granted the fact that this individual is now ‘mine’ and that there is nothing I can do or say that would ever change that. In fact, it is the relationships that have stood the test of time that really need the most work. Why? Because if we have too much of the same thing for too long, we get bored and when we do, we go in search of new and better things. First, we need to reflect on what about any relationship makes us happy and fulfilled, then we need to ask ourselves if we are happy with the status of our relationship. Then we ought to consider things from the other person’s point of view. Finally, and this is an important one, if we realise that we are falling short in the relationship in some way, we need to identify where, accept is, take responsibility and yes… make the change. We have to understand and understand fast. We are all responsible for what we do and thus in turn for what we get. We just have to focus on being and behaving in a manner that will ensure we receive the shoulder we would someday appreciate being lent to us…
