Our parents are the first real human contact we have. Our mothers are the ones who push us into this world and yes they continue pushing us to achieve what it is the instinctively know we are made for. Our parents work tirelessly, day in and day out to provide what is best and to give us everything we need and want. At our early stages, our parents are ‘Our Everything’. Slowly however, others start coming into our lives and the strings that hold us together begin to loosen. Slowly a small distance starts developing as we get involved with all the other intricacies of life. Gradually as we move into adolescence, our parents are replaced by our friends who then slowly turn into ‘Our Everything’, sure our parents still hold a key role in our lives as they are still involved in the processes involved in providing for us. Adulthood then sees a major shift. Marriage is another defining point at which the importance our parents hold sometimes slips a rung. And then of course the kids arrive and then there is no other world beyond our little creations. All the while, our parents stand at the side-lines, watching, waiting to be called upon and when a need arises, they are ever willing to swoop in and help.
The face of family has drastically changed. It went from crowded homes with sometimes three and four generations co-existing happily, to the nuclear family and then gradually, the family disintegrated even further to now, where single parent households have turned common place. What this change has done is twofold. One, given way to the degeneration of the family system in its comprehension for our children and two, further isolated us from our parents and our parents from us. Old age homes are over flowing today. There are a number of elderly people who actually choose to go into these homes, not because they feel unloved or unsafe but because they do not wish to be a burden on their offspring. The same offspring that they sacrificed so much for.
There actually comes a time when roles magically reverse. Psychologically speaking this is a highly emotional time for our parents. It is bitter sweet. This time actually begins around the age our parents retire from their careers. During this period, adjustment is one of the most difficult things to deal with. Adjusting to the fact that you won’t be going to work each day, getting comfortable with knowing that there won’t be a pay cheque at the end of the month, realising that slowly you are moving into a group called the senior citizens. It is during this time that one of the most drastic role reversals take place for some. The moment when they are not the provider for their young anymore, but in some cases they turn into the dependents. By no means is this an easy period and who better to make the transition smoother than the children they have spent their life trying to give everything to.
It is very easy for us to take for granted the years gone by. It is human tendency to forget. We ‘move on’ without a second thought to what we have already lived through. Many a times our lives get too full to accommodate anything more, to accommodate the new we sometimes naturally chuck out the old. The flaw here is that we generalise this to human relationships as well and the most distinctive example of this is what we tend to do to our parents. Our new families override the importance they held. We conveniently forget what has been done for us and concentrate on what now we have to do for others. The wretched reality is that this is a never ending circle and sadly one day we will also find ourselves on the receiving end of this very same fate. Why? Because our children are watching. They use us as role models for everything. They watch how we treat our parents and go right on doing exactly what we teach them.
There is no harm in moving forward. There is no harm in living the life of your dreams. Being successful and achieving your dreams is actually a lifelong dream our parents also held. Does that mean we only look ahead and take for granted the past? Definitely not. While we plough forward, we need to also give credit where credit is due. Looking back and acknowledging the fact that the reason you are where you are was because you were guided, loved and provided for is paramount. As adults too, learning does not stop. It is never too late to remind ourselves of a few prominent rules of thumb we were brought up listening to. One of them being, ‘Honour your mother and father’.
