The next line of the famous song goes ‘with his/her words’. Yes, words… those strings of letters that can make or break a self-esteem. Being the only species born with the gift of purposeful, goal directed speech, most of us lack the sheer ability to make use of this talent.
Verbal communication is one of our basic rights but communicating for the sake of communicating has a very dark side indeed. A number of us who keep up with current affairs are left gobsmacked by some of the irrelevant, distasteful and downright wrong ways in which some human beings have used this right.
Not very long ago, one prominent government representative lost his daughter to cancer, his opposition wasted no time at all to make a horrible situation worse. Using free speech to hurt the already wounded is the most deplorable of all behaviours and should not be condoned by anyone under any circumstance.
Some eloquent speakers, with the so called ‘gift of the gab’ think they can get away with their verbal flair. However, the principle of ‘if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all’ still reigns true and always will. By starting your sentence with ‘no-offence, but…’ you have already put the other person on the defensive. But, teaching tone and content is not what this article is about. This article focuses on the misuse of language and how something said without proper thought and clear understanding of consequence can actually lead to a slow death to a person’s ego and thus a disembodiment of self-esteem.
In the 21st Century, with all the parenting help books and with all the workshops available, with the overflow of information and with the absolute surplus of ways to find said information, people still falter while communicating with children, of every age. Equating quality of life to your expectations of your child based on what society says is one of the worst mistakes a person can make. I find it worrisome that even with the pace of development we still hold fast to age old traditions which are clearly defunct taking the present scenario into account. No matter how much we try to make ourselves believe that we no longer possess the same dark aged thoughts that we were brought up around, the fact of the matter is that we are rampantly following. One thing that we ought to keep in mind is that, unlike before, where we were taught how to remain quiet and listen, this generation has been taught to speak up, and that is a great thing. The only problem in this new scenario is that the peace is completely and utterly lost. Besides speaking up, this new generation also thinks much more than the ones previous, and when a mind is cluttered with negative affirmations, it gives rise to negative consequences. By speaking the first thing that comes to mind, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to make an uncomfortable situation better. Yes the human mind is very resilient, but even rubber bands snap when stretched too far.
We often hear parents say ‘we never needed counsellors and psychologists when we were growing up’, ‘our parents put us in our place with a quick slap’, and other such wonderful memories of yesteryear. What we don’t understand is we didn’t have all the stuff to deal with then, that they deal with now. We were not angels, we had our fair share of fun. Now there’s danger lurking at every corner and yes we need to be careful, but every time we demean or flippantly blame them for every slight, we are adding up to an almost deadly pool of negativity that has already been accumulating in there. Today children hear negativity wherever they go. As parents, positive strokes need to be given as often as possible. No matter how young or old your children get, constant and consistent emotional pain is a death trap. If you keep harping about the same topics over and over again, because ‘you want what is best for your son/daughter’ think about it this way. When you tell a child once want you want or expect, it causes a child to work towards that goal. If he/she tries, and yet fails, maybe there is something within that needs help to improve, as the child works through issues, and you keep telling him/her what you want, it cause the previous eustress which is the optimum level of motivation a child requires to perform, to turn into stress. Constant reminders of your expectations slowly then leads stress to turn into distress and that’s when we have lost the battle.
Every word adds to what is already lurking beneath, the more you add, the more the danger of overflow. Once things spill over, is not the time to get help. Find help before its too late… find help before you have already killed the spirit ‘with your words’.
