I am on a mission to make life as easy as possible and I need capable advisors, (so I will not have to do all the thinking) I have written to you for advice and your tips have helped me at times. Could we make this a regular thing? I am even open to considering payment of a fee for regular advice. If you are discreet enough, we could also hatch plots and conspiracies. I will even let you take all the blame! What say?
The Jackal
You sound like someone who wants to have their cake and eat it too. I had a girlfriend like that. She loved cake. Anyway, back to you, I’ll call you Jack for short. I’ll also have you know that The Jackal is an international terrorist. He’s now languishing in jail in France, and no, they do not serve baguettes for breakfast in prison. Actually, how should I know? As for your ‘requests’, hmmmm, we can work out a payment schedule for my advice to you. I accept money in dollars, banana wafers and Maltesers. But there are rules, we do not meet face to face. I live on the dark web, otherwise known as Calangute. Plots and conspiracies are part and parcel of my existence. I firmly believe that I was abducted by aliens, atleast that’s what I tell my wife when I come home from a three day bender. But, my friend, you need to start thinking for yourself. Any self-respecting Goan does that, apart from around 40 people. I will give you all the advice you ask for and then some, but you must become who you are meant to be. With great power comes….oh never mind. Just mail me and I’ll respond. Don’t forget the Maltesers, okay?
Antsy Uncle
My sister has a child and now everyone is calling me Aunty. But I’m so young, I don’t have a single strand of gray hair and I have so much of a life ahead of me. Why are they being so rude?
Nissa
Let’s get one thing straight, having gray hair doesn’t mean you’re old alright? Age ain’t nuthin but a number, sang this lovely lady called Aaliyah a long time ago. She’s so right. You can be in your early 40s and still be young, at heart, body, mind and soul. Shame on you! I have a younger brother who is in his 20s and he’s an Uncle too. He doesn’t mind it, says it makes him feel more mature and wise. One could call him worldly, if knowing many of the world’s capitals makes you wordly. Think of it this way, you now have a young mind to mould, to impress upon the trials of life. It will be fun and enlightening. It is also a mess if you’re on potty duty, but perhaps I’ve said too much already. Happy cleaning, Aunty!
Antsy Uncle
I love biscuits but my friend is adamant that I not eat them. She says they’re unhealthy and they will affect me. But I love biscuits.
Kevin
When I was a child, I loved dipping my Marie biscuits into hot tea and biting them when they were soft and goeey. I also loved cream biscuits, especially those with strawberry or chocolate filling. Now I pig out on digestive biscuits. Biscuits are cool. Who is this biscuit hater? Why does she hate biscuits so much? Did they bully her when she was young, did they injure her teeth, or did they not show their glorious self to them, when she was dipping them into her tea? I hope she has tried that, perhaps it will change her mind and make her love biscuits. Send me her address and I shall deliver a large package of biscuits to her, enough to last her a year. If she still doesn’t like them, you can take them. Biscuits should never be wasted, especially when there’s hot tea around.
Antsy Uncle
