Captured by : PG2. DC
The English language is a wonderful playground of words and phrases. Expression becomes so very easy for those born with the gift of speech and of course the gift of the gab. Very often we say, hear and sometimes use the phrase ‘Say it, don’t spray it’ for those who find salivary control a task. So why then have I turned it into ‘Say it... don’t save it’??? A I said, English is an amazing language and here again I have used it to my advantage to express a thought that has gnawed at me over this week. This was a personal experience that actually got the psychology theory in my mind twisting and turning into all sorts of questions and the best answer to them as always comes through experience.
A few days ago, there were a few things said that weren’t necessarily perceived by me in the manner in which it was intended. My own perceptions lead me to decipher whole new meanings to the going on of mundane daily life. I heard something from someone and before processing it all, I reacted as per my current mood. It was only post clarification that I realised the whole clear story but in the meantime I had gone to all extremes in my highly developed imagination and concluded very wrongly, that the world was conspiring to bring me down. Once realisation hit, the anxiety, grumbling and all out paranoia came to an abrupt end. Between the time of hearing the news and actual clarification, around twenty four hours had elapsed. In that short amount of time, I went through a barrage of negative emotions like anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, sadness, and, at points, rage. All of which were totally uncalled for. Twenty four hours of turmoil that turned into physical, emotional and psychological pain all for what? Absolutely nothing!
This experience has taught me a simple but profound lesson. When there is something bothering you… SAY IT. A large majority of people refrain from doing so. Instead this lot will go to all extremes to supress what they really feel. Allowing things to remain within, allows for the negativity to fester. It has been found that the more we ruminate on the negative that negative feeling tends to metamorphose into something new and often bigger than the original. On deep rumination, all we accomplish is to add to what is more frills and flounces thus eventually giving birth, in our minds, to a problem twice, thrice and sometimes four times the original. There are plenty of things that stop us from clarifying situations with others. The first and foremost being our egos. None of us ever want to admit the existence of this tiny little devil within us, but the reality is that it exists, in varying sizes in each of us. The next is nervousness, where our own nerves stop us from self-preservation. This is especially true when there is an authority figure in the opposite role. And of course, there in the anticipation of things going wrong. We need to pull ourselves out of these habits if we really want to live happy, stress free lives.
It has been found that, keeping things buried deep within can also result in physical ailments like high blood pressure, heart disease and even stiffness of joints, bone weakness and lowered immunity. With so much left to lose, why is it such a rampant habit? Very simply, we have been taught this behaviour as a norm. Of course, there is a fine line between clarifying and waging war and that needs to be paid attention to. Speaking up and sharing your feelings is in no way equal to an all-out rant and rave which will disintegrate any and every life in the near vicinity. It means thinking, speaking and questioning logically and patiently. Clarifying with the aim of finding a solution and understanding the communication for the whole and sole purpose of making things right and definitely not to make matters worse.
Most of the miscommunications in history have come to a booming crescendo, only because those involved have failed to ask the right questions, at the right time, in the right manner. In order to save the turmoil of going through all the trouble, we need to make a few strategic changes. Giving yourself time to think before reacting, reacting before it is too late and mastering the art of self-expression can save many a sleepless night. So before you allow yourself to implode from frustrating events, ‘Say is… Don’t Save It’.
- Charlene Farrell is a counselling psychologist who works extensively with children and adolescents. She also counsels and works with individuals of all ages. Emotional well-being, to her, is of utmost importance to a fruitful existence
