This topic is something extremely close to my heart, and as I recently discovered, equally important to most women I have met. Guys, I’m sorry but this one has a highly feminine undertone, all be it an extremely handy tool to have when it comes to understanding the ladies in your lives. Sisters share a unique bond. One where love, understanding and friendship are fuelled by mutual respect and a whole lot of emotional sharing. The relationship between any two women in fact is very complex. When we watch portrayals of female relationships on television, we are most often exposed to the kind of war themed saga. Gossip, competition, jealousy, and slander being themes that are overplayed. The truth however, is far from it.
I have been fortunate to have always found, not friends, but soul sisters. What’s the difference? Well, a soul sister is a friend, who would take on the sister role with ease. The friend who knows you, has your back and will go to any length to make fun of you and tease the living life out of you. Besides having a biological sister who plays the part to the T, luck and goodwill have presented me with the coveted soul sister at various points in time. Recently, I had the opportunity to meet a bunch of first generation soul sisters. Looking at them interact, I couldn’t help but draw lines of comparison between myself and what lay before me. There was this massive reunion of the batch 74-75’ a few weeks ago and I caught glimpses of the fun. My mother who always told everyone who had the patience to listen, including my friends, family and special someone’s I would get home, about what a hell raiser I was, was sitting coyly as I heard stories of her past from her pals about the kinds of stunts she pulled. We had to agree then, that I wasn’t that bad after all. The reminiscing, the laughter and the glee were so extremely beautiful and elating that got me thinking about the importance of an individual actually being able to find that special soul sister.
While doing a bit of research, I chanced upon a few medical facts. This particular study spoke about the chemical changes an individual goes through in the midst of various situations. What was very interesting was the fact that when an individual shares his/her feelings and speaks about himself/herself, the said individual actually releases the same chemicals that they release under other highly pleasurable and satiating experiences like sex and consumption of desserts and other such gastronomic delights. It was further found, that the chemical ‘dopamine’ which is released in these situations, is more when the person you are sharing with is a friend or loved one. A pleasurable feeling is desired indeed, who would say no to positive feelings? As we grow older, we deal with various aspects of life. We definitely go through life’s ups and downs, and as we all know, a problem shared is a problem halved.
When I have a day with my best friend, it really doesn’t matter where we go or what we do. All that matters is, there’s a place to sit that’s comfortable enough to keep us for hours, as once the floodgates open, only the setting of the sun will indicate just how long we’ve been at it. Post the purge, the feeling of relaxation sweeps over me and I know it’s been a day well spent.
Women tend to approach problems very differently from men. For us, talking it out is essential. After the initial cool off period we need to get it off our chests. Men on the other hand would prefer dealing subtly and would really appreciate as little being said about the issue as possible. Roll in the soul sister, the best pal, the friend forever… the one who will listen because she wants to, the one who we can shop with, laugh with, be our crazy selves with, we can cry with her and watch an animated movie with her too. One of the best parts of being a woman, is that we are born with the birth right to find and have a soul sister. Life and its complexities sometimes makes it difficult to catch up with our chicas. When we do, it’s cathartic. Ladies, in this fast paced world where life takes you in different directions, take some time for yourself and find time to get that dopamine flowing. Gentlemen, encourage your ladies to go out, let their hair down and spend time with their soul sisters, there’s a lot of shopping and sharing they can get off your hands.
-- Charlene Farrell is a counselling psychologist who works extensively with children and adolescents. She also counsels and works with individuals of all ages. Emotional well-being, to her, is of utmost importance to a fruitful existence
