JAY JOSHI
On the occasion of Mother’s Day today, we are vying to sing praises of a mother and give the the love and respect she truly deserves, but even in this situation, a single mother continues to face numerous problems, partly because of more responsibilities and partly because of the attitude of the society. In a country such as India, apart from challenges on the financial front, a single mother has to strive to work out solutions to certain social challenges too. TG Life spoke to a number of single mothers around Goa to understand the issues they face.
“A certain lack of trust is is the biggest problem I have faced.” says Rohini D. (name changed) a single mother from Bandora. “No matter how orderly your life is, people do not believe a single mother is capable of doing things she has to do. Secondly, there are unfriendly glances over which I will not choose to elaborate.” she adds. “Also, there is a problem during religious functions. At some points in ceremonies the father is honoured. If there is no father, that honour is not given to the mother instead. Interestingly, the people will appreciate you working, handling organisation or other duties during such family gathering or functions, but they will not give you the the place of honour given to the father. I have personally experienced this even in times we call modern. This has to change.” she says.
Nayan Gawas (name changed) a single mother from Valpoi outlines the effect it has on children. “For me, the hardest part is dealing with kids. When there is no father, kids are depressed. When they see other kids playing with their fathers, they go through unbearable sadness. Then one has to console and explain the situation to them. Those were of course trying moments, but one forms a close bond with kids during such times.” Gawas states.
For Rohini, the issue had another aspect. “My daughter received a lot of sympathy from people. Even though we came from good financial and educational background and life was comfortable, people expressed pity and sympathy. Some say it out loud, others show it through their conduct.” informs the single mother.
Salma (name changed) a single mother from Sindhudurg faced even more daunting issues. “ In my case, I had a love marriage despite opposition from the family. When my daughter was 10, my husband had serious health problems that led to hospitalisation. After he died. I was faced with huge medical bills, and there was no family support to fall back on. Fortunately, I received some pension in the name of my late husband, and I later took up a job in the hospitality industry,” Salma remembers.
According to a number of single mothers who spoke to TG Life, social and economic circumstances, and the emotional tool the absence of a father takes on the kids are some of the biggest issues While India is a modern country, family setup has remained largely traditional and the support systems required to resolve issues arising in modern life are inefficient or lacking, said respondents.
