No one really knows what went on in the interrogation room where Sameer Sardana was relentlessly questioned for ten days, but I intercepted an email from an unreliable source who would sell his mother for a ticket to the ISL finals. This doubtful letter was written by a shady cop to confused higher ups in New Delhi who take everything very seriously, except catching real terrorists. The email is reproduced here for the benefit of readers, who might need something more stimulating than a date with their girlfriends.
Dear Higher Up,
The Vasco railway police happened on a man moving suspiciously on the platform. Most people who stand in a ticket queue look suspicious, but this fellow had four phones and we put two and two together and came up with seven. Don’t ask me how.
A search led us to the discovery of six passports all in his name and this confirmed our suspicions. He told us, rather rudely, that he used to sleep in the railway dormitory and that is how my assistant concluded that he could be part of a sleeper cell.
We questioned him relentlessly for five days after which we ran out of questions. I mean, there is a limit to the number of time we can ask him, ‘are you working for the ISIS?’
We also requested him to disclose the password to his computer and he said he had forgotten it, which is suspicious but believable because many of us at the police station routinely forget our passwords. I have now issued an internal order that all personnel should use their wife’s name as passwords, but they still forget.
Anyway, the password was eventually cracked by the crack team in our e-investigation department and we were able to recover several emails which made no sense.
We also noticed that the suspect had downloaded a lot of material on how to build improvised explosive devices or IEDs and that set off alarm bells. The anti-terror squad was alerted and they questioned him relentlessly for another five days until they ran out of questions too. Actually, they asked him the same questions we asked him and he gave them the same answers so we are nowhere closer to figuring out who this chap really is.
In the meantime, a crack team of the Mumbai anti-terror squad flew down to crack our suspect. They asked him the same questions that we and the local ATS had asked him, but with a difference. They asked their questions in Marathi, and while we understood the questions, the suspect did not and this created an impasse of sorts.
All this time we were all trying hard to gather evidence, any evidence, to prove that this man was a terrorist but he refused to cooperate. Half way through the interrogation we discovered that the man in our custody is the son of a highly decorated Major General of the Indian Army and that scared the shit out of us.
It was only after he was released by the court that we discovered what he was up to. His plan was to settle down in Goa for about six months; change his name to Sam Sardinha; acquire a Portuguese passport; migrate to Swindon in the UK and mingle with Goans with British accents.
The chap is obviously suffering from a personality disorder. Considering that he had six passports, he could be suffering from six personality disorders, but who are we to say.
I am writing this email just to keep you in the loop, though I have come to believe there isn’t much of a loop here.
Sincerely
Lower Down
