Life throws its curve balls every now and again. The ups and downs of life are not only inevitable but are definitely required. A life without trials is pretty much a boring existence. Over the years, studies and research in psychology has actually lead to the birth of a very new branch of this vast subject.
‘Positive psychology’ as a scientific disciple, was born in 1998 and was proposed by Martin Seligman. This branch of psychology speaks extensively of thought processes and how our thoughts can change the course of our lives. We could go into volumes of literature about positive psychology, but that would defeat the purpose of this column which is to share the basics and discuss real life. So let’s take from theory and see how we can draw conclusions by reflecting on real life.
Human nature calls for experiences. Every minute of every day is a brand new experience we are given. As we go through our days, we do have those moments when seeing the positive does become a challenge. We have plenty of moments of great elation but the euphoria tends to pass. We accept the temporary nature of all good things and anticipate the passing of the situation. When negative happens, a number of us refuse to see the silver lining.
Again, an extremely human tendency, but then there are a few who hold on to those feelings so tightly that wrenching them away would feel like you are trying to prise out a bunch of 100 rupee notes from their clutches. When we allow all our thoughts to flow from a single experience we are robbing from ourselves the happiness that experience brings.
Positive psychology speak primarily about leading an effective life. It doesn’t speak about how life will be amazing and how butterflies and rainbows are all around. It speaks about perception and how every incident is viewed. Plain and simple perception. Let’s break this down. Having a positive attitude, by no means equates emoting unnaturally to any situation.
Like for instance, if you lose someone very dear, it does not mean jump up and down with pompoms hailing the Gods for how beautifully life has been engineered. It means going through the emotions, feeling them, accepting them and then finally moving on.
In every daily occurrence, this principle holds true. When faced with an uncomfortable situation, refuse to dig your feet into the mud. Shake it off and move on. Research has shown that a minor attitudinal change could lead to drastic life enhancements.
A few years ago, a cousin of mine was diagnosed with stage four leukaemia. Given just a few months to live, needless to say, the entire family was shocked and pained to hear the news. When I called on this cousin to see if there was anything she needed or if she just wanted to vent I was in for an exceedingly pleasant surprise. My cousin was upbeat and sounded like not only was she ready to take on the disease but ready to take on the entire world and all bad things in it. It has been 8 years since her diagnosis, and she now remains cancer free. There are thousands of inspirational people out there who are actually living out life through the bounty of their thoughts.
The mind is the most powerful tool that keeps our immune system strong. Not only that, it also allows you to stand out and blossom in your social circles as well. The happiest people have the happiest friends is as a true a fact as any. It is not because happiness attracts happiness, but because positivity is contagious. If there is anything that needs to be spread it is happiness. The world, and our lives are already full of complications as it is. Some of us, have this tendency of allowing things to keep creeping up on us and adding to the already full cups of misery. We have way too much to worry about and so, getting rid of the small things could be the easiest way to find and keep that happiness. There are a number of people out there who thrive on the sadness of others. These individuals will weave their poison into everything they possibly can. It’s sad that they see nothing beyond their negativity and misconstrue everything as a threat to their person. To keep your own sanity, let the haters keep on hating, you get out of the equation. Leave the negativity and embrace what’s pure. The key to life is simple ‘Let go...and move on’.
- Charlene Farrell is a counselling psychologist who works extensively with children and adolescents. She also counsels and works with individuals of all ages.
