The moment an Indian girl hits her early 20s, the comments about marriage begin. And as the years progress, these uncalled for statements only get more ridiculous and even invasive at times. Having had her fair share of unsolicited advice and comments about her marital status, Sreemoyee Piu Kundu, 40, decided it was time to pen a book about being single in India.
“I used to write a lot about being single in my columns and also shared my experiences on dating dilemas, the comments I endured etc on social media. I have also observed that even though I have single friends who are doing well professionally whenever they decided to take a house on rent on wanted to buy a house there was a lot of stigma,” says Kundu. Kundu realised that she was having these kind of experiences, some of which were downright funny while others just infuriating, on an almost daily basis. It was then that her agent suggested that she pen a book about it.
A former lifestyle journalist, Kundu, who hails from Kolkatta, has penned books like Faraway Music and Sita’s Curse. Status Single: The Truth about being a Single Woman in India, became her first non- fiction book.
“I was clear that I didn’t want this to be a book about only my experiences. I wanted to look at other single women’s tales too,” she discloses. “I knew about 10 single women who were my friends and I wasn’t even sure if they would be willing to be a part of the book.” The book ended up featuring tales of almost 3000 single women from different parts of India.
Pitching the book to publishers however was a bit of a task. “We faced a lot of rejection from mainstream publishers who were looking for the celebrity quotient in the book. I however was clear that I didn’t want any celebrities. I wanted the book to mirror the reality of single women who live, work and survive in urban India,” says Kundu.
She also made sure that the book was as diverse as possible, focusing on not just stories of unmarried women but also including tales of widows, divorcees, single mothers, LGBTQ etc.
And in the process she also learnt a lot. “It is shocking to see what parents themselves sometimes put their daughters through. For instance, I met one Goan girl in her 30s who is working in Mumbai. While the rest of her family is fair, she is dark complexioned and since the age of five her mother has been making her bleach and putting her through a lot of treatments,” narrates Kundu.
Another growing trend is the hymen reconstruction surgery, she states. “Even though today sex is more out of the closet then ever before with some much casual sex happening, there is still a premium attached to virginity in India,” she says.
At the same time, there were quite a few heart-warming stories too. Among these, Kundu met the transgender woman in Mumbai who was the subject of a viral ad a couple of months ago. This lady had adopted a baby girl from a red light area and brought her up as her own. The daughter is now 14 years old and the mother continues to fight for adoption rights for single transgender women in India.
Speaking about her own experience of being a single woman, Kundu clarifies that she is not against marriage but she is not the kind of girl to settle down in a mediocre relationship just because time is running out.
“I am a die-hard romantic and believe that the only reason why you should be with someone is if you are crazily in love with the person,” she says, adding that marriage in India is many a times very transanctional. “Marriage seems to be just a way of pleasing the relations and society. Sometimes there is no intimacy between the couple. Also, there is a rampagnt growth of infidelity and people are flaunting that they are in an open marriage etc,” she says.
She further adds that it is a misconcept that being married will spare you from being alone. “Yes, being single can be lonely but being with someone and still feeling lonely is worse,” she says.
(‘Status Single’ will be launched on May 5, 7 pm at Literati Bookshop, Calangute. Fashion designer Wendell Rodricks will be in conversation with the author)
