Coercion is a characteristic that we have all felt at some point of time or the other. Be it as the coerced or as the coercer, being forced to do something or forcing someone else to comply is a part and parcel of our days. Be it at home, at work, or in social situations coercion is a commonality. The reason this thought crossed my mind recently was because a case was brought to my attention regarding a suicide of a young college girl in a residential school, who was being coerced to indulge in a sexual relationship with two other inmates of the same lodging. Simply put, a bane to our community that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere reared its ugly head again, bullying and ragging.
Bullying is defined as ‘unwanted, aggressive behaviour among school-aged children that involve a real or perceived power imbalance. The behaviour is repeated or has the potential to be repeated over time. Both kids who are bullied and those who bully others have serious, lasting problems.’ My question is does bullying end post childhood? Does a bully stop being a bully when he or she grows up? When something turns into a habit, how do we break it? It is quite likely that individuals don’t really get rid of their bullying streak. For people who do have overbearing colleagues or superiors, it probably could be that those individuals’ pasts have some impact on their present. Looking at the way things go in this world, could we draw connections with the way people behave and possible behaviour they indulged in as children? When a political leader enforces his/her thoughts, views and ideals on the masses, is there a form of coercion or even bullying being brought to the fore?
There are a number of types of bullying we know of and there are some we didn’t even think of as out of the ordinary. There are the obvious types like physical, verbal, sexual and cyber bullying. We have been told about these time and time again and it is quite likely that we all would be able to identify these forms of bullying taking place, or would we? What was shocking to behold was an incident that I myself handled wherein a seemingly popular girl, who was emotionally stable and quite popular was being spoken to very degradingly by one of her male classmates. As he would speak to her in this way, he would also get his homework done for him. What would make a girl with all the attributes that say, low vulnerability, cave to such pressure? The need to fit in is overpowering and the sad truth is that this need doesn’t completely dissipate in adulthood.
A lot has been said about the victim of bullying but not much research has been done on the one who bullies. With all the sympathy, out there for the victims, not many people feel it is necessary to harbor any humanity towards the perpetrator. From the little research, there is, it is clear that those who indulge in bullying do not necessarily have it all going according to plan. In fact, research shows that bullies tend to have emotional issues revolving around self-esteem which could possibly have been caused by minor or major issues in the home. What is also extremely heart wrenching, is the research conducted on the future of the bully. It is a clear fact that children who bully turn into adults with problems. Most of these problems turn into problems with the law. The world as we know it is full of different people and thus full of people problems, what is sad is that issues that can be solved early on in life are allowed to perpetuate due to lack of attention on these all too important aspects.
Today, a lot of focus is paid on life skills in school and the education system is doing its part. As citizens of this country, it is extremely important to understand that this is not just a schooling problem but a problem of society. Prevention is always better than cure but mentalities are the things that need changing. It is NOT okay for anyone to degrade, force, coerce and compel any other being to do anything against their wishes. The human psyche, though extremely resilient does have a final breaking point. As parents forcing our children to do things we think is right, as educators forcing children to do thing our way, as employers expecting our coworkers to conform to everything we say, are all open to question. When so much is at stake, there is very little room for mistakes. It’s time to change and coerce the coercer to mend his/her ways.
- Charlene Farrell is a counselling psychologist who works extensively with children and adolescents. She also counsels and works with individuals of all ages. Emotional well-being, to her, is of utmost importance to a fruitful existence
