On the weekend, just before the March 8 Women's Day (actually, International Working Women's Day), a lady shared a post on a group. It was a song, a creatively-done one, you could say. It's words went something like this:
"And don't tell what to do./ And don't tell me what we say./ And when I go out with you, don't put me on display./ You don't own me; don't try to change me in any way..../ Don't tie me down because I'll never stay./"
"I don't tell you want to say,/ I don't tell you what to do./ So just let me be myself, that's all I ask of you./ I'm young and I love to be young./ I'm pretty and I love to be pretty./ To live my life the way I want;/ to say and do whatever I please....No, no... you don't own me./"
On the eve of another Women's Day, one can expect the usual comments and platitudes to emerge here. Yet, women in Goa are in a peculiar position. They have attained many of the goals of "equality" with their male-folk. Sometimes even surpassing them. But is this enough? Does it make for satisfaction, let alone happiness? Or, does it bring in a whole new set of problems?
Gender relations in Goa could be the new elephant in the room. You often hear this being discussed, but not in the way it could have been. Sometimes, the arguments continue along expected, old lines.
Even if Goa's birth rate is below replacement, we have kept observing World Population Day, with its barely disguised Malthusian focus.
Maybe Goa deserves a different perspective on this. Due to a series of developments here over the past decades and centuries (out-migration, the early spread of education which is not only due to government initiatives as officialdom would like us to believe, even religious conversions which brought in changed perspectives) the gender equation has shaped up rather different.
Just a few days ago, it was noted that Goa is the "only state which is completely gender equal when it comes to mobility". This surfaced in the BBC (now in the news for another set of reasons) website, quoted by GoanVoice-UK.
This came up in the work of an IIT prof studying transportation research. He was looking at how gender inequality impacts daily mobility. At an all-India level, over 53% of women said they had not stepped outside of their home the previous day, as against only 14% of men who had also stayed in. But in Goa the figures were very different. Women were as mobile as men, which says something about the society here.
There have been other studies too. The Cuncolim professor Dr Sachin Savio Moraes has been studying the issue of how women in Goa (especially the areas around Salcete) cope with male migration in their societies.
To encapsulate years of his work into a few lines might be unfair. Yet, he has pointed out that males migrating for better prospects out of Goa, women "left behind" too get impacted. He looks at how women "negotiate domestic and public spheres in the absence of men".
Moraes points out, in some of his writing (available online too) that "Goa has a long history of male migration among Catholics, both onshore and offshore." Using the case histories of women from Cuncolim village, he has also looked at the "social, psychological and economic impact on these women".
Education is one such sphere, for sure. Decades ago, there used to be a quiet cheer going out (including in newspaper headlines) whenever girl student topped the competitive exams, such as at the SSC and HSSC exams.
Not any more. This has become a routine event here. Girls have come out on top in most spheres of education. This holds true even at the college and university levels, in quite a few streams.
In less affluent parts, girls have been kept out of education due to factors like poverty, child marriage and gender-based violence. But, in places like Goa, the shoe is obviously on the other foot. Complaints come up repeatedly of boys not wanting to stay in education, seeking to take jobs on board the ships just after high school, and what not. Probably we handle such issues at the superficial level only.
The seriousness of the debate comes up in other ways too. Young educated women are finding it tough to find suitably educated young men as life partners. That's where traditional thinking clashes with contemporary reality.
On the one hand, we have a generation of women who have grown up independent, and might have to grapple with another set of problems and challenges altogether. Those who see life as a war between the genders also cannot afford to overlook that the changing gender relations have drastically changed expected male roles too.
Louise Perry has made out a "case against the sexual revolution". There are counter views which highlight the "danger of the #MeToo movement". Esther Perel, in her book 'Mating in Captivity' (and many online talks on the subject) explains why relationships in the 21st century are increasingly doomed to failure.
Women, of course, are not a monolith, all of the same kind and who can be fitted into the same bag. Some are still struggling to access equality of opportunity. More thought is needed to understand what holds them back. But overstating the case, or presuming that men or "patriarchy" is to blame in every case, might be a gross oversimplification.
