Recently, I was in a mentoring walk organized by a nationalforum for women entrepreneurs in Gurgaon. As women were introducing themselves,one woman started talking about how her husband’s illness had pushed her into asituation where she was left with no choice but to learn about managingfinances and running a business. She spoke about how she had always assumedthat he would be the earning member in the family and now, with his illness,she decided that she would need to do whatever was needed as she held theirfuture in her hands.
Growing up in India (and this may be true for many othercountries as well), many of us learn to be dependent on the men in our familiesfor various things. From buying groceries or milk to repairing electricalfittings to driving us around or managing finances, we have created anecosystem for ourselves which kind of exempts us from these activities. Whileit is helpful to divide responsibilities, it is important to ensure that we arefully capable of managing these activities by ourselves at any point in time,without waiting for an adverse circumstance to present itself and to force usinto action.
This might mean some additional effort on our part. It couldmean exploring online delivery of groceries or learning how to drive or evenattending a Finance 101 class to understand how to manage inflow and outflow.It is important to think of these things before we find ourselves in asituation which is desperate and we find ourselves not having the time or theresources to gain these skills.
A very important aspect of being independent is emotionalfreedom. This is not relevant for you if you already have a set of friends thatyou hang out with and are able to have fun without your family around. Toooften, those of us with families, especially those of us with children, tend tostart believing that there is no happiness for us outside of our family. Wetend to make excuses when our friends ask us out for a movie or if we need totravel without our family. While the emotional attachment is good andunderstandable, this could pose a risk over time. Not being able to find ways tobe happy outside of your family might leave you with no ways of being happywhen children grow up and move out for further studies or when your spousetravels for long periods.
Finding your own space, developing your own interests andhobbies, having your own ways of having fun do not mean you are a selfishperson or you do not love your family. These, in fact, go a long way inensuring your long term happiness and as a result, the happiness of thosearound you, including, of course, your loved ones.
It is healthy to do your own things and have your own life.That is, in fact, the very essence of true independence.
Namrataa Arora is a certified coach and specialises in lifeand career transition coaching for women across the world
