I’m going to keep this simple and take you through a circle of life where we look for acknowledgement from people around us. This doesn’t mean advice but purely relates to being comforted with a validation for our thoughts. Did you know, one reason why most conflicts occur is because the other person does not care to respond to something being said to them?
You wake up one morning to send a text wishing a simple morning greeting to someone you care about, someone who would add tremendous value to your day, and someone who would set the path for all that follows and you receive no reply!
I’m expressing my simple concern for a greeting and not even getting beyond to matters impending, how does that make you feel?
To further explain this to the modern reader, why do we share our life’s moments on social media? If we wanted it to be private we’d be better off framing them across our hallway or up on a wall somewhere around us. So why do we share it on a social platform?
Let me put a situation across, I’ve just completed a marathon and my time was the best there was in my age category, I possibly didn’t run as fast to win the marathon but I believe my speed was something that could make me a winner someday and I want to share it with ‘society’.
Let’s place ourselves in the marathon runner’s shoes and go ahead and click the share, upload, post button.
What do we expect once we publish that story? Possibly some likes, comments, shares, tags?
Why do we expect this? Did you realise that these are simple forms of validation we expect in return for something we want to talk about....
Let’s now go home for a bit and sit ourselves around the family room. Dad comes back from work tired as ever, mum brings out the dinner, the younger kid has just expressed his love for a cartoon and the older one has just returned from the hairstylist in preparation for a school play she’s a part of.
Everyone sits quiet at the table, it’s the end of the day, tempers are at a volatile high and energy levels possibly not as all would expect. The meal ends and everyone heads to sleep.
Is this what you’d consider an ideal household?
Compare this to a scenario where the family members speak out in appreciation of each other. “Dad/Honey you seem to have had a long day at work, we just wanted to thank you for all you do for us’ or ‘Mum/Honey we know you’ve had a long day working the house but you’ve yet taken the time to cook us this delicious dinner, we just wanted you to know how much we appreciate it all’ or ‘Son/brother that sounds like an interesting cartoon, perhaps we can all watch it together someday or ‘Daughter/sister this hair style really suits you.”
Now ask yourself. Which household would you want to be a part of? Did it take much to acknowledge? Could an environment like this favour so much within and beyond that home (then and eventually)?
Give it a thought and imagine many such scenarios!
Your work place, a reply to an email, support to a peer, a simple smile to a stranger, thanking a car that’s allowed you to go past, thanking your doorman for holding the door and the list goes on and on and on; the power of acknowledgment is surreal.
It’s this simple yet highly effective tool that can be the primary difference between a crisis and an ideal situation both in your home or at your work desk or even in society in general.
Acknowledgments however come in various forms. Here’s a few you could use going forward.
Gesture Control: When someone is addressing you in person, look at them and acknowledge them by being in the present with gestures that would convey that intention. Your body language says immense
Your tone: They say 90% of conflict arises not from what you say but how you say it
Scheduled replies: I understand you could be having a long day, but there’s a way of saying ‘Not now, maybe later’, use this one carefully and do not ignore the person expecting validation, their time schedule is as important as yours.
Step into their shoes: This is possibly a thumb rule going forward; you’ll only know what your value is to someone and why they’ve approached you for a validation when you position yourself in their shoes.
Try it, it doesn’t take more than a minute but it could be a lifetime to them.
The Content: Keep in mind that the content in your acknowledgement can have as much of a negative effect than it does positively. Understand the difference it can make to someone across you and choose your words and intentions wisely, they matter, more than you can imagine.
Here’s to a better tomorrow. Thank you for taking the time to read about this basic yet immensely important contributor to a crisis.
