This is a touchy subject so let me start with a disclaimerthat I really don’t intend to judge anyone for their actions “ never have,never will. After all, we are the best judge of ourselves and the actions wetake. There are so many instances I could recall in general from my life andthe lives of those around me, when I sensed someone feeling guilty or feltguilty myself. You might be able to relate to some of them too I guess.
The time when you perhaps forgot a dear one’s birthday or aspecial occasion and tried hard to make up for it by splurging and going overboardwith your gift? Or the time when you had a bad fight and realised later it wascompletely uncalled for and tried all kinds of things to somehow wipe off theevent? Or the time when you found yourself slipping away with your emotions,bordering or even crossing the line with legitimate relationships and thenbeing extra nice at home, sending lovey-dovey messages or flowers? Or how aboutyou really wanted to spend that time with your child and just could not manageit and somehow thought some treats (mostly unhealthy) might make up for it?
There are many more…maybe some we witness every few days.The interesting thing is that most times, our guilt tax ends up being somethingmaterial. Guilt is monetized. The guiltier we feel, the more we might end uppaying as tax.
However, nobody I know is into the guilt tax collectionbusiness. People are in relationships and there is love (of varying kinds) inrelationships. You give love, you get love. That’s really how relationshipswork. Love is given by spending time with people who mean something to us, doingthe things they love to do…listening to them…making their unexpressedwishes come true.
In fact, I would tend to think that every time we pay amonetized guilt tax, we might run the risk of demeaning a relationship. Achocolate? Is that really what someone’s happiness is worth? Or flowers? Or anexpensive watch? Is that really what you believe might give your loved one thehappiness they deserve?
How about giving some thought as a tax? Think about whatmight be valuable to them? What might be something that would truly delightthem and make them forget about what you did not do? I have tried it a coupleof times myself and it does give me a great feeling at the end of it.
So here is what I propose “ don’t monetize your guilt.Choose to pay ‘thought’ tax. Try it the next time you feel guilty “ hopefullyover time, you won’t have many more such reasons to be guilty .
